Things I Hope I Never Have to Say

•  Honestly, officer, I can explain.
•  At least now we know the airbag works.
•  May I have one of those seat belt extensions?
•  Do you know where your dad was going hunting?
• What's the number for search and rescue?
• I had no idea my dog was going to do that.
• Yes, his rabies shot is current.
• You'd think a man my husband's age would know better.
• I was sure that would hold our weight.
• I thought we were supposed to drink it.
• From up here in the tree, it looks like a grizzly.
• Yes, I knew grizzlies could climb trees.
• This is my first time in jail.
• I have no idea why I thought you were pregnant.
• Can you recommend a good proctologist?
• I'm just running out to buy some Depends.
• Will that be covered by our homeowners' insurance?
• The last time I saw my wedding ring it was. . .
• Does our fire extinguisher still work?
• Yes, I have proof of insurance.
• I had no idea I could still run that fast.
• So, you're saying there are no parachutes on this plane?
• You said those mushrooms were edible.
• The government is here to help us.
• Run!