Proverbs 31, My Best 3 out of 20

    I shared this devotional at a bridal shower this morning and, since I have not posted a blog for a month, I will recycle it here. The names are changed to keep me innocent of posting this without asking their permission.

                                        Proverbs 31 My Best 3 out of 20 

     Evelyn, I realize most of us at Central Bible don’t know you very well, but you are marrying an Oak-ling and that makes you part of the CBC family and, as family members, we may feel comfortable giving you unasked for advice about marriage. Today I’m going to share a little from the painfully familiar passage Proverbs 31:10-31. I’ve titled this message Proverbs 31, My Best 3 out of 20. I admit that I have a love/hate relationship with this passage about the virtuous woman. Most of its aspirations are beyond me. When it says: A wife of noble character who can find? I think maybe we should lower the bar or at least, dim the lights. There are a few of its 21 verses where I feel I might measure up, but most of them—not so much. For instance, I am so craft impaired they should give me a special license plate, so making things to sell, spinning wool, sewing clothes and making bed coverings like the wife in Proverbs is not going to happen. I also kill plants so there would be no point in me buying a vineyard. I count on the grocery stores to bring my food from afar, but I am willing to shop a little farther from home for a better sale price. I am not a sleepless wonder woman whose lamp doesn’t go out at night, but I will stay up late to have good food prepared for my family and others. And I would dearly love to have her female servants/maidens to assign tasks to, especially cleaning. I also have to admit that I sometimes eat the bread of idleness, although it is more likely to be a cookie. I’m sure you are more gifted in some of those areas than I am, Evelyn, almost anyone would be. But within those few verses I don’t feel as intimidated by, there are some good takeaways for a woman heading into the unknown territory of marriage. 

vs. 11 (Amp) The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of honest gain or need of dishonest spoil. I don’t know how you and James will set up your household, but in ours, I am the one who pays the bills. For 49 years Reed’s paycheck, and now Social Security, have gone into our checking account and he has never worried that our bills go will unpaid or that I am using the money selfishly or unwisely. His confidence in me makes me feel like I'm actually fulfilling this verse. In most couples one is the saver, one is the spender. This provides balance but also some ballistics. Reed entered our marriage with the attitude I’ll commit to buy something and figure out how to pay for it later. In my experience growing up, money did not appear just because you needed it. I was the frugality freak. However, I did not have to convert Reed to my point of view, I was putting him through school and our budget did that all by itself. In later years, when Reed served on boards, he was the member saying show me the money before they made a commitment. Confidence comes from knowing as a couple you are working together toward the same financial goals. The family you’re marrying into may be free spirits, but everything else requires money. 

vs. 12 (Amp) She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. I’m not sharing this verse because I aced this one, but because God used it to smack me in the head. I realized that part of what I was doing when I was listening to my husband talk, was looking for openings to slip in helpful suggestions for improving him. Not only was I not doing good to my husband, I had turned him into a remodeling project and myself into the Holy Spirit’s little helper. I am sure at this point, Evelyn, that you think James is perfect and wouldn’t change a thing. I’m just letting you know that a few years down the line, you may start thinking of ways to improve on perfection. So this is your distant early warning that if the Spirit of God needs your help or suggestions for changing your husband, He will let you know.

    There are many ways you can comfort and encourage your husband, but I have found the thing a man most longs to hear is that you respect him. I wrote a poem for my father-in-law’s memorial called "Quiet Men" I won’t read it here today, but it is a tribute to him and the many men like him who quietly fulfill the responsibilities God has given them without recognition, simply because it is the right thing to do. After the service, an older gentleman came up to me with tears in his eyes, he said, “Thank you. I didn’t know if anyone saw.” Give James the gift of being seen “as long as there is life within you.” 

vs. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. I’m not sure how well I fit the strength and dignity clothes, but laughter is my heart language. And I could tell by the pictures James posted of the male members of the wedding party, that he is fluent in it also. Your wedding vows should be taken seriously, but your life together should be well lubricated with laughter—at yourself especially. I had a lot of mishaps when I was first learning to cook. My first attempt at bread dough over 50 years ago is probably still sitting in a landfill in Salem, OR, impenetrable as stone. Those early failures made me want to throw stones. Later, I decided there were no failures in the kitchen, only a lack of creative names. The dinner isn’t burned, it’s blackened. The pie that falls apart when you serve it, is now cobbler. And any cake can be upside down cake in the right circumstances. Don’t beat yourself up if you let your latte take a ride on top of your car, or look around for where you left your phone while it is still in your pocket. Laugh about it. And frankly, laughter is the only way to survive raising those adorable sinners we call children.

    There are many voices even in Christian media trying to convince us to fear the future. They would tell you that beginning a marriage in times like this, and someday bringing children into our sinful culture, is foolish. But actually, it is an act of faith. God is just as sovereign over the planet now as He ever was, and He has never rescinded his command to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, although that last mandate needs to be a group effort. Strength comes from fearlessly following God into the future. Dignity comes from being unashamed of trusting Him. Laughter comes from finding joy in the life God has given you . . . even when it takes courage to find it. And in the spirit of laughter, I will share one of my favorite poems.

 Partners 

 

I knew when I signed on with the Lamb outfit

that the fella I would be partnered with was only green broke,

but I took the job anyway.

I was sorta a hand between brands at the time

and didn’t cotton to the idea of riding alone.

Some can do it, but it’s wearisome

and even dangerous. 

 

It was hard work and the wages weren’t much,

but I was used to that. I’m a fair hand at fixing grub,

if I do say so myself, so we always ate good.

And, most of the time, we made ourselves

a snug place to sleep at night.

Although, some of the storms we got caught in

were real gully washers.

 

Outside of the occasional head butting

all partners do, we got along pretty well.

Still do actually. I settled in there at the

Double L and never got the itch to move on.

I may not have him all the way saddle broke,

but I’ll stay where I’m at,

a good partner can be hard to find. 

                          May God bless you and your partner-James-in the many years to come.