How I Became Omniscient

     Would you believe I was born this way?  John Locke said newborns were tabulae rasae--blank slates waiting to be written on. This is true as far as information is concerned, but those same selfish slates also consider themselves to be the center of the universe. They know everything because they are everything. Being firstborn increases the tendency to be a know-it-all. I am actually second born, but stepped into the over achiever role when my brother abdicated the position. In school, where social structure is more engraved in stone than blank slate, I was assigned to the smart kid classification.  A further step towards omniscience was becoming a teenager.  Teenagers know everything.
     But I didn't truly become all knowing until I got married. I did not realize it was a requirement at the time, but after I got married I found out I was expected to know:

•      The location of every item in our home, (even those I never use) and sometimes, even in man land, like the garage and shop.    
•      The hours of every business in our city and those to which we travel.
•      How to find places in towns we have never before visited, and how long it will take to get there.
•      Which restaurants take reservations.
•      How long a social event--concert, wedding, funeral etc. will last. More importantly, will anyone notice if he's not there? 
•      How to cut his hair. Fortunately, he isn't fussy about his hair and is, considerately, growing less of it.
•      The answer to any medical question, despite only having one semester training as a CNA.
•      How to make travel arrangements and willingness to accept full responsibility when things are "not as advertised".
•     A good sale price on every item except tools and firearms. Actually, I ace this one.
•     The polite way to express confrontation.  I am a master at aggressively polite letters.
•     Everything about children, especially responses to permission requests and questions about God and/or sex.  

        I do not have to know whether or not Reed needs to wear a tie to an event, because he will not wear one anyway.  Besides my husband, the jet mechanic, claims not to know how to tie one. I do not need to know how to coordinate his clothes. (See preceding.) So if I got the idea that I know everything, I got it from my husband.  He apparently considers me omniscient.  In this case, I will submit to his better judgment.