Free Drinks at Lambs

     Admittedly, it was my idea to use a vacuum to try to suck up the yellowjackets that swarm around our mini-waterfall, but when I heard the familiar sound of the shop-vac coming unfamiliarly from the front yard, I knew I had created a redneck recreation. To understand why the persistent pests were so attracted to the water in the first place, I went to the source of all knowledge--Google.  Hymenoptera (isn't that a fun word, sounds like a gynecological problem) are extremely interested in finding reliable sources of water. When they find one, like our fountain, they tell all their friends, "Free drinks at Lambs!"  I am not an environmentalist.  I don't believe the world created by an all powerful God needs assistance from puny humans in order to survive. I'm more in the live and let live category.  But the abundance of bees has made our water feature into more of a creature feature. The waterfall, which I used to enjoy from nearby, has become as unapproachable as the Great Oz.
     Adding chlorine would poison the well, so to speak, but that wouldn't last long, and last year that killed the frog that had taken up residence in our fountain. Unfortunately, one of our neighbor boys discovered this during our annual neighborhood ice cream social. Bleached frogs do not turn white and are not a good party theme, unless you are on a scavenger hunt. I like frogs, and Reed claims to have seen another one a few nights ago, so I do not want to bleach him to death.  Besides, we do not need bleach to kill algae.  I discovered a cheaper, more effective method involving nicking the extension cord with the hedge trimmer, causing the breaker to shut off power to the water pump, allowing the sun to kill the algae. By way of disclaimer, my method was cheaper than bleach only because my husband can repair extension cords.  But, having made the discovery, I now skip the step involving the hedge trimmer and merely unplug the water pump. That rids us of the algae, but not the yellow-jackets.
     That is where the shop-vac comes in. Against my will, I sometimes find myself inadvertently encouraging redneck behavior in a family that needs little encouragement. By merely wondering aloud if it was possible to use a shop-vac to suck up yellowjackets, I planted a seed in the fertile soil of my husband's redneck imagination. And that is why the melodious gurgle of the waterfall is being drowned out by the odious whine of the shop-vac while my husband uses the hose extention to lunge at our unwanted guest pests with moves reminiscent of fencing (with a very short opponent).  I know what the yellowjackets will be telling their friends now, "They've had too much to drink at Lambs!"