Choosing Him

     This was another of those times when I knew a poem was inside me, but I didn't know what it was about. As it happens, it was a love poem. We went out on a date last night, but pizza is not usually my food of inspiration. Chocolate? Maybe. I feel like I should save this for our anniversary or his birthday, but I haven't posted anything for a while and this is all I've got.

Choosing Him

He was not the man of my dreams,

but of my waking

my own choosing,

my conscious commitment

to link my life with his.

 

He is not very romantic.

Most of the time, 

if I want flowers, I buy them.

But he has never forgotten my birthday,

Mother’s Day, or Christmas gifts.

 

I will never come home to 

 a surprise:  party, dinner,

vacation plans or new clothes.

He only has a vague impression

of my size--for which I am grateful.

 

We don’t have mutual interests,

beyond our family and travel.

Music—I’m a little bit country

he’s still 70’s rock and roll.

What we have in common is love.

 

 I tease him often, but 

 I respect him always,

more than any man on earth.

And if I could choose any of them,

I would choose him again.

 

Naturally, he has his flaws,

he works too much, procrastinates,

wears stained, torn clothes,

has questionable taste in some areas,

especially, his taste in wives.

 

But I can hardly find fault with that.

A woman can always tell

when a man is honorable

and she never gets over the honor

of him choosing her.

 

4/23/21

Judah and Sons

     This time through Genesis, I finally understood why the ugly account of Judah and Tamar, which seems so out of place as the story of Joseph unfolds, fits there. Not only does it fit chronologically, but it explains Judah's change of heart when Benjamin is summoned to Egypt. Because it is not just the story of Judah and Tamar, it is also the story of Judah and his sons. Not only did Judah lose two sons, he lost them because they were so wicked God, Himself, put them to death. By the time the famine drives Jacob's sons to Egypt to buy food, twenty years had passed since selling Joseph into slavery. That means for twenty years Judah watched his father grieve for Joseph. Perhaps that is why he left his family and went to Shechem where the trouble with his sons started in the first place. Sometime during those twenty years Judah shared his father's cup of mourning, doubly so. God softened Judah's heart, but it was a painful process.

     Joseph tested his brothers hearts by offering the perfect opportunity to rid the family of Daddy's new favorite son, Benjamin, in a way that put no blame on them. They could pass it off to the demands of a powerful Egyptian ruler. Instead Judah, who now seemed to be the spokesman for all the brothers, offered to take Benjamin's place in slavery, if necessary. He could not bear to see his father's grieve another lost son because he had walked that road of grief himself. And I would not have understood why without the story of Judah and his sons. Tamar's role in Israel's future and the line of the Messiah is significant, but those details could have been inserted before or after the story of Joseph. Much of the Bible is not in chronological order. I think God placed that chapter where it is because it ties into how much Judah had changed by the time he went to Egypt.

     With beautiful symmetry, Joseph not only offered his brothers a chance to pass his heart monitor test, he gave them a "do over", an opportunity to make amends for Joseph through a similar situation with Benjamin. To get right what they got so wrong the first time. To begin to lay down the burden of guilt they had carried for twenty years. And for Judah, it was an opportunity for a heart broken by sorrow to be healed by submission to sacrifice. 

    

    

Is This Wisdom?

           Is This Wisdom?

 

Is this wisdom, I wonder, as I realize

I go deeper now when I read scripture

than I used to, despite decades of Bible study?

I asked for wisdom five years ago

when our son's life imploded

from alcoholism, legal troubles,

a disastrous marriage, debt, job losses

and all the other damage that accompanies addiction.

 

Our home became his sober living place

and we, reluctantly, his sober police.

I begged the Lord for the wisdom He promised,

so we would know how to help him

and when to let him fall.

 

Not just general principles of scripture,

specific guidance from God's Son for ours.  

Not polite prayers, but passionate pleas.

It was enough for me that He guided us 

through those days of desperation.

But now, enjoying the blessing of his sobriety,

his plans for the future, his regained independence,

I still find myself contemplating scripture more deeply than before,

the humanity of the people, the weight of what is written,

and what is not, the weaving of scripture with scripture.

And I realize now that perhaps the power to see more 

is the afterglow of the wisdom I prayed for.

It is so like God to give more than I asked.

The insight did not end when our son got sober

and the need for it was not so dire.

 

Still we wait for him to draw closer to God

because learning to wait for God's timing--

this is wisdom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Injustice of It All

                        Contemplating Good Friday

Connie--

     relaxing in a warm shower after a good night's sleep in a soft bed

Jesus--

     hanging on a cross after a long night of unjust trials and torment

Connie--

    thinking about the latest senseless shooting and the injustice of it

Jesus--

    counting on the unjust hatred of the Jewish leadership to accuse him

    the indifferent justice of the Roman government to crucify him

 

Connie--

     sinful, yet judging my world, longing for justice in it

Jesus--

     sinless, providing justice before God through the injustice of man

 

Connie--

      looking up, I cannot comprehend such breadth of love

Jesus--

     arms outstretched, embracing the injustice of it all

 

 

     

   

The Irritating Patience of God

     In Genesis chapter 40, Joseph is in prison. Wait, lets back the betrayal bandwagon up to chapter 39 where we see Joseph sent to check up on his brothers. He is wearing his coat of many colors, which I recently learned, because it was too fancy to work in, marked him as management material in his father's eyes. Unfortunately, it marked him as spoiled, dead meat in his brothers' eyes. In current vernacular, they were offended. So offended they wanted to kill him but, since he was family, settled for stuffing him in a hole and selling him. Betrayal number one--band of brothers.

   Joseph is purchased by Potiphar where, despite being young, without ESL (Egyptian as Second Language) class, and certainly without his fancy coat, was nevertheless promoted to management. This happened because the Lord was with Joseph. Unfortunately, someone else wanted to be with Joseph, Mrs. Potiphar. When he spurns the seductress she accuses Joseph of the sexual contact she was actively seeking. I get the feeling neither the servants nor the mister believed her because the punishment was not more severe, but Joseph wound up stuffed in a hole again, this time a prison. Betrayal number two--Potiphar's wife.

    The Lord was with Joseph in prison. But he left him there. Unsurprisingly, Joseph was promoted to management. Two of the Pharaoh's staff, his cupbearer/butler and his baker, also wound up in prison. One day he noticed his jailbirds weren't as chipper as usual and asked what was wrong. (What was wrong?? Most of us consider being in prison explanation enough.) Briefly, they had bad dreams. Joseph interpreted them. The butler would be lifted up--reinstated. The baker would be lifted up--decapitated. Joseph asked the cupbearer to put in a good word for him to Pharaoh. But he might as well have asked the baker for all the good it did him because, once reinstated, the cupbearer forgot. Betrayal number 3--the butler did it.

    God had a plan for Joseph, but He was not in a hurry to get to the dream sequence. It was not enough for Joseph to become a leader in Pharaoh's kingdom, for the prophecy in Joseph's dream to be fulfilled, he needed to be in charge of the famine food bank. Meanwhile, back in the dungeon, Joseph waited on the irritating patience of God. Although the Bible records this in just a few verses, these experiences happened over 13 years. But these years of waiting prepared him for the years to come. 

    Meanwhile, back in Kalispell, our prayer group has been meeting for some time now and most of our prodigals still are not close to the Lord. Closer perhaps, but not where we want them to be. We know their years of waiting will prepare them for the years to come also, but waiting is irritating. Their circumstances may not change, but God is still with them. We get impatient with God's patience toward our prodigals. Fortunately, he is also patient with our impatience at the irritating patience of God.

   

The Swing of Things

    I committed the cardinal sin of posting this poem on Facebook before I took the time to polish it up. At the time I thought it unpolishable, which is good enough for Facebook, but I won't post it here until I have given it time to brew in my brain . . . Oookay, it's two days later and my brain fluid still hasn't steeped, so I guess I will just fill in context. I sat on our deck on one of those warm pre-spring days last week, and thought how much better the backyard looked with a swing set in it. There were no riders on it at the time, and yet it was full of happy memories, and the promise of more to come.

 

The Swing of Things 

When we moved here,

we had no swing set,

gladly rid of toys that took up

so much room in the yard.

We put away childish things

so to speak, some anyway.

Our children had outgrown

such simple entertainment.

 

And now, two decades later,

there is a swing set in the yard.

One of many childish things--

beloved toys for our grandkids.

What we needed was not

more room in the yard, it was perspective

to see what was missing

and get back in the swing of things.

3/18/21

                                                        

 

 

When Reality Left the Building

    I have stated previously that one of the things I learned from growing up with a schizophrenic parent is that reality is important. I have also stated that I wish more people had the benefit of my childhood, because in so many areas of modern life, reality has left the building. Many practical realities remain the same, you can't buy $50 worth of groceries with a $5 bill because you identify it as a $50, nor would you accept a cashier demanding more money because they identify your $50 as $5. Math requires reality. Medicine, not so much. The same doctors willing to give monumental medical intervention to a patient who identifies as the opposite sex, will not prescribe medication based on the weight they identify with. Meanwhile psychiatrists helping patients who have lost touch with reality, still expect them to pay with real money.

    Here are a few examples of how "reality" has changed in my lifetime:

Men vs. Women

    60's--men were still considered superior to women in some areas

    70's--women's lib considered women superior to men in all areas

    80-90's--men & women differ physically and in thought processes, but are equal in intellect, capability and leadership

When reality left the building--

  00's--men & women process thoughts and emotions identically

  10's-20's--men & women are equal physically and athleticly

Spoiler alert--The same flood of hormones that creates the sex organs, wires the body and brain to that gender.

Speaking of Gender

  60's--2 sexes/2 genders, male & female

  70's--gay/lesbian recognized as minority

  10's--gay/lesbian marriage legalized

  20's--LGBTQ anything goes

When reality left the building (arguably)--

   10's--2 sexes, but many genders

   20's--gender is a matter of preference 

Spoiler alert--See above. Gender, like sex, is a matter of wiring, not wishful thinking, our cells are wired to our birth sex. Since gender transition treatment addresses a tiny percentage of these differences between sexes, it is not surprising that it seldom solves the dysphoria.

 

Us vs. Them  (race, politics, religion, truth)

  60's--tolerance--agree to disagree

  70's--I'm okay, you're okay, separate truths

  70's-00's--no objective truth, all roads lead to God

  10's-20's--others must accept my truth & vote to legitimize it

When reality left the building-- 

  10's--disagreement equals hatred

  20's--your hatred justifies my violence

Spoiler alert--Disagreement is intellectual, hatred is emotional, neither justify violence. 

 

    These timelines are just impressions from my lifetime. With the exception of gay marriage, I did not research dates, because that would be hard. However, I identify the above information as being researched. Besides, re-search is based on re-ality and reality, as we know, has already left the building.