"Be"ing

     I am by nature task oriented. I get a great deal of satisfaction from making and crossing off lists. Long before my kids knew their days of the week, they knew about cookie making day, sheet changing day, shopping day, house cleaning day. My morning prayers were a recitation of my plans for the day with an addendum requesting God's blessing. When my children began school, I exchanged some of those home routines for volunteering there. I had a long schedule then. It often necessitated packing the car in the morning with everything my kids and I would need for the whole day. Snacks. Band instruments. Sports equipment. My BSF lesson to work on during practice. (This was in the olden days before cell phones were common.) As the kids began to leave home, I noticed there were still cookies left on baking day, I didn't need as many groceries, the house was not necessarily dirty in a week. The rope of routine that held my life together became stretched and frayed.
    When I added part time work to my schedule, it made up for some of my lost home routine. My lists now became about places I needed to go before and after work: errands, the gym, etc. Even when we traveled and I had the day to spend however I pleased, I made a schedule for myself, so the time would not feel wasted.
     We have been traveling a lot lately and I have begun to learn the art of "be"ing. I have learned it is okay to sit in the sun and think. About God. About life. My prayers have become less about lists and more about listening. When it is a beautiful, sunny day at home, I can't sit outside for long without feeling guilty about something that's not getting done inside--not that I necessarily do the things that need doing, but the odds improve when I'm in the house. However when we travel, there are no cleaning tasks calling my name, no dinners to plan. Why do  I feel like I'm wasting time when I  enjoy the beautiful place God gave me to live? It is a gift I barely glance at as I move on to other things.
     There is nothing wrong with being organized, it is the way God made me and it has come in handy when our families celebrate special events. But the older I get, the more I understand that God is not particularly interested in my plans. He is more concerned about what's in my heart than what's on my calendar. I should at least give God the time and attention I willingly give to Facebook. If I want to become like Christ, I must spend time thinking about who He is. And if  that is the only task I accomplish in this life, well, I'll be.