Billings/Logan Slogans

    In honor of the upcoming integration of Logan Health--which has consumed our local health practices like Pac-Man, and Billings Clinic--whose solution to going broke in eastern Montana was expanding into western Montana, I have come up with some possible names and mottoes. The names are a combination of letters from the two companies. The mottoes are a combination of snark and cynicism.              

           Billings/Logan Integration Slogans

BilLo--Because two monopolies are better than one.

BLow--The more we buy, the less we try.

BilGe--Twice the bureaucracy, half the efficiency.

Bi-Lo--A nonprofit, making every practice we buy, a nonprofit. 

B(illings/Logan re)org=BORG--Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated!

BlinGan--Not a merger, just a monopoly.

BLogun--We changed our name, but our care is the same.

BanG--No better healthcare in Montana--Anymore.

LoBall--Where healthcare meets hospice.

BiGone--Our non-compete is now complete.

GamBil--Two big, two fail. 

Billing-Logan--Still paying for the last name change.

ABill--Socialized care? We're halfway there.

LoganIlls--Someday we may dis-integrate.

     If the marketers are not happy with my ideas, the letters in Logan and Billings can be rearranged to spell Billing Slogan or Balls Going Nil. Maybe we will all be surprised to find, in this case, killing competition in healthcare choices does not lead to killing patients. Even though, in every other facet of life competing for business leads to lower prices and better quality, maybe it won't make a difference in something as inconsequential as medical care. 

    Maybe the physicians offices, already backlogged with the 15 minute per patient scheduling required of Logan employees (that the doctors cannot hire, fire, or correct) will start making real time appointments and stop lying about wait times. Perhaps, for the first time, adding an extra layer of bureaucracy will clarify chain of command and simplify paperwork. Conceivably the cost of yet another name change could come from pockets of the ones who actually want it. In this case, I would so love to be wrong, I would willingly shout it from the rooftop. I would much rather die of embarrassment than mis-managed medicine.