Scar Tissue

     I ran into a friend at a restaurant today and asked how her holidays had gone. This was her first Christmas, wedding anniversary and New Year's without her husband, what I call "sadiversaries". Her answer--Really bad. I knew it would be painful because pain is not optional in the healing process. The analogy I shared was that memories of special times pick the scabs from wounded hearts, but I realized that was wrong, it is more like breaking up scar tissue. I have not lost my husband, for me that is a dreaded someday thing that I hope will be far off, but I have torn scar tissue. When my left leg healed after knee replacement, I noticed my foot was turned slightly inward.  Not a big problem, I was just happy to have a knee that worked again. But a couple years post surgery, I was getting up from a chair when I felt a sharp pain in my left knee. I limped into urgent care, where the P.A. inserted a needle to drain the excess fluid. When fluid came out bloody, he knew scar tissue had torn.

    That is why I think scar tissue is a better analogy. A scab covers a superficial cut. Scars come from deeper injuries, the wound will mend, but never be the same as before. The evidence of pain will always be there. For the grieving, the firsts, the holidays, the memories, pierce that scar tissue. My scar tissue needed to tear for the sake of my leg and it needs to happen for the sake of a widow's heart. The analogy also fits because the pain is mostly hidden, the bleeding is under the surface. Analogies can do little for grief, but they help those of us who have not experienced such loss understand a little better, and be gracious, not glib, with our comfort. Because there are many around us whose scars we cannot see.