Today is the third anniversary of Tracy's death. Our emotions were much like the weather--snow, rain and sun all mixed together by a cool March wind. One of the documents I came across while looking for something else today was the blessing letters Reed and I wrote to Tracy in July 2010 when he finally got his own place. We wrote blessings to Britten and Will as well, but that was before I had the presence of mind to keep a copy for us. When I reread the letter, especially the last few lines, I realized my letter about leaving our house for a home of his own, was also fitting for leaving his earthly home for his heavenly one.
Dear Tracy,
I knew we would be writing this letter soon, I could sense it, you were ready to leave. Although there is a loneliness in seeing a child leave home, there is great satisfaction in seeing your young adults reach the goal of responsibility and maturity that you have always wanted for them. As your sister, brother, and even the spare sons moved out, we gave them a letter of blessing, it is intended to show three things--our observations on their character, our hopes for their future and, most importantly, to convey the privilege it has been to have you in our home. We are thankful for the extra years we have had with you. They have been a bonus, not a burden.
Your great strength is your good heart and nature, you are easy to be around. You see what others need and you try to help, or at least not hurt, them. Of all of our children, I have felt the safest with you. All of you kids know my failings, but I always felt secure that you saw me clearly and still approved of me. Everyone needs someone like that in their life. I hope you will continue to be that for others. Like your Dad, you have mechanical abilities and a good variety of skills which will be useful in your life and a blessing to others. You are increasingly responsible with money and a hard worker.
Our hope for all of children is the same, that you will love and serve God. That is what we are made for and it gives life meaning. I think you struggle in the same way I do, thinking God is passive, that He watches but doesn't really do anything. Sometimes this feels true, but I can tell you from 37 years experience as a Christian, that He skillfully weaves circumstances together to bring about His purpose. He will do that in your life, your choice is whether He will do it the easy way or the hard way. We pray everyday that God will draw you close. If He wasn't interested in you, He would have put you in a different family. You belong to us and you belong to God. I will wait patiently for that. You are worth waiting for.
Love,
Mom
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