Choice Words From Habakkuk

   The You Version Bible app I have on my phone sends me a verse of the day. In the days following Tracy's death some of these were very helpful, some did not seem to apply. But the only verse that I have kept on my phone all these months is the one dated March 26th, two days after we found out about Tracy.

Habakkuk 3:17, 18

    Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

 

    It helps me because it came in that time of despair when I desperately needed to control something. I had no choice about the loss, but I can control my response to it. In some ways that is a no-brainer. There is no other God waiting around the corner that I can turn to. I have to trust the Lord I know, especially now that my son is with His. I would love to have Tracy here where I can enjoy and interact with him, but if I have to give someone I love into another's keeping, Jesus is my first choice. And if he has to relocate permanently somewhere other than here, heaven is definitely top of my list.

   In our Monday night prayer time for prodigals, Tracy was one of our success stories. I realize now he still is. I am happy that Tracy got sober, became responsible, regained his independence, self respect and the respect of others before he passed away, but what I wanted most for Tracy was to know he would be with the rest of our family for eternity in heaven and God answered that prayer. In fact, Tracy will be the one waiting for the rest of us to get there.

   Habakkuk had a hard choice to make. He prayed for judgment on his wicked people, knowing he would suffer with them, only to learn God would use an even more wicked nation to oppress them. I'm not sure I could be as resilient as Habakkuk about having no food, though Ukrainians are living both these realities right now. We do not get a pass or play option on the hard circumstances God brings into our lives, although we do get to phone a Friend. What we choose is how we respond. Though Tracy will not in this life follow his plans of being an aircraft mechanic or a pilot, though he will not live out the hopes I had for him of a home and family of his own, though I desperately miss his visits, calls and texts, yet I hope I can make Habakkuk's choice--to be joyful in God my Savior.