I have been struggling recently with critical thoughts. Since I have had victory in that area for some time, I wondered what had changed. Particularly, what had changed in me? Yesterday the Lord let me know in the gentle way He convicts me--although, He seems to find it necessary to repeat it several times, as if I'm a slow learner. I had retaken my role as my husband's Holy Spirit Jr. Part of the conviction came through that day's Family Life Today reading about "booing" your husband instead of cheering him on. The rest of it came through my Bible study in Proverbs. Wouldn't you know it would be chapter 31? Verse 11 says, "Her husband has full confidence in her." How could my husband have full confidence in me when I keep reminding him I don't have confidence in him? Verse 12 hammered the point home, "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." I had transformed our home from the haven God intended, to a home version of the principal's office.
So where did I go wrong? Las Vegas. But what happened in Vegas didn't stay in Vegas. While we were there, we live streamed Sunday's sermon from our home church. Through that message from Proverbs, my husband was convicted about something I had hoped for a long time that he would change. So far, so good. The Spirit initiated his decision but, unconsciously, my flesh decided to nag him the rest of the way to the goal, even though Proverbs also has much to say about nagging. Holy Spirit Jr., my favorite part time job.
So whenever my husband did not follow through with his new priority, I would be silent or sullen. When he talked, I found myself listening for openings to drop little hints about what more he should be doing. Then the Lord gave me the aforementioned spiritual spanking, and I realized how much I would resent it if Reed "listened" to me that same way. I was not treating him with the grace and patience God continually shows me. I was doing him harm, not good. And I was booing him. When I gave up trying to be the Holy Spirit's little helper and confessed it to God and Reed, it was like a weight lifted off. I was free to just enjoy his company as we share the blessings and burdens of life together.
Why do I think that the lecture loved ones to the Lord strategy that would never work with my children, is still appropriate for my husband? I'm sure he must wonder how he got to be so lucky. The same God to whom I've entrusted my children, and many others, will be faithful to grow my husband just as He has me. In His time. With His words. In His way. NOT MY WAY! After 42 years of marriage, one would think I could figure that out, even if I am a slow learner. It is the Spirit's job to convict people of sin, He has been doing it since Eden, and He is very good at His job. And when I stop trying to be the Holy Spirit, the critical spirit goes away.
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