GriefShare

     In what may be good news for my readers, I have not been writing for a while. I have been working on another project, it is called GriefShare. GriefShare is a Christian based grief recovery support group. I had heard good things about it through BSF friends who had lost loved ones, but decided not to attend because I was coping well with my mother's death without any outside help. However, since I have never coped well with my emotions regarding my mother, I was willing to admit that there may be aspects of this complicated loss that I had missed. So I started attending GriefShare.
     At first, I felt out of place because most had significant, life-altering losses like death of a spouse or child. My loss did not change my life even one percent. I did not lose a companion, mentor or even just someone to talk to. My mother was, at the same time, a stranger to me. I began to lose her fifty years ago and I had already mourned that loss many times. But, even as I felt out of place, I realized that I needed a place where I could say that my mother was a stranger and be accepted. I needed to talk about her death without having to explain the complicated back story. I had prayed that God would help me mourn my mother and He had been faithful. GriefShare was another tool He had provided to help me.
     We met once a week. 20 people. 4 boxes of Kleenex. A workbook. A video. Small group time. Tears. Cookies. Chocolate. I discovered there is no simple grief. All relationships have complications, estrangements, even betrayals. At least, my mother left us involuntarily. She did not choose to be mentally ill. I also learned that grief is not optional. We cannot think our way out of it any more than we can decide not to bleed when we cut ourselves. It is as natural and inevitable as death itself. This was disappointing to me because my plan had been to think instead of mourn, to choose logic over tears. I learned there is no healing without mourning and that no one can do the work of grief for us. And despite our culture's instant gratification, microwave mentality, there is no time limit on mourning. Grief's expiration date is as individualized as the expiration date on life. Time does not heal all wounds. Time doesn't heal anything. It only lessens the intensity. Our lives will never go back to what they were before the loss, but life will be good again. There will be joy along with the sorrow.
     Now that the 13 lessons of GriefShare are completed, perhaps I will have the mental energy (although my writing shows little evidence of mental energy) to write again. And if I cannot be a better writer, perhaps I can be a better comforter for having opened my spirit to the healing sorrow of GriefShare.