The Ghost of Christmas Past

     "Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot and Never Brought to Mind?  Oh how I wish they could.  There are many like me that are visited at the holidays by the Ghost of Christmas Past, memories of bad experiences, or in my case, not memories of specific incidents but of feelings of the past.  To have the feelings return without the memories they are attached to, is even spookier.  Some are haunted by good memories of loved ones now gone.  Some of us had family members for whom instability was a holiday tradition.  We remember these times more than the other bad times because holidays are a focal point for memories.  A similar tragedy may have occurred on another random day but, unless it was connected with a birthday or other significant date, the memory isn't triggered at any particular time of year.  The other reason these bad memories are so vivid is that expectations are higher at Christmas.  In spite of the breakdown of traditional homes and values, there is still something in us that clings to the dream of happy children, loving parents, miracles and wonder.  When the reality is emptiness and disappointment the dream falls all the farther.  In these days of single moms, absent dads, abuse, homelessness and poverty, many will not have any good Christmases to balance out the bad.  My heart aches for them.
     I will close with a poem that expresses my experiences with the Ghost of Christmas Past and the hope that all the haunted will someday find peace on earth.

                 To All the Ghosts of Christmas Past

            To all the ghosts of Christmas Past,
            whose vivid memories yearly cast
                 their shadows on my joy,

            As winter nears, I feel your touch
            and, from the rear, your talons clutch
                and drag me to the past.

            I close my mind to the memories
            but, like disembodied spirits, these
                feelings still remain.

            Despite the many happy years
            of Christmas with my children near,
                  the haunting goes on yet.

            I wonder if I'll ever be
            old enough to be set free
                and send the ghosts away,

            to stand unshadowed near the tree
            and feel the peace God meant to be
                part of Christmas Day.