You Change the Dream

     I tried not to have too many unrealistic dreams about the looks, intelligence or talents of my children there was, after all, only so much genetic material to work with, and I remembered myself and my siblings too well to have illusions about their behavior, but parents do have dreams for their children:  high school graduation, maybe college, marriage and children (in that order).  My two older children graduated from the Christian school, both attended college for a time, my daughter married a wonderful Christian man.  We have had Christian friends with a "cookie cutter" parenting plan where each child was expected to do the same thing, for instance, play piano and one other instrument, participate in sports, go to the same college etc., but my children were distinct individuals and the one-size-fits-all plan was not going to work for them.  It worked best to train up my child in the way he should go, tailoring my parenting to the child.  They didn't always think it was fair but, deep down, I think they knew it was right.
     So when my youngest son began struggling at the Christian school, I had to make a new plan.  I didn't want him to attend the public high school when he wasn't spiritually strong and he wanted to drop out so, much against my wishes, I began to home school him his sophomore year.  There are a lot of home schoolers in Kalispell, they have a choir, sports teams and other groups that meet together.  When Tracy finished high school he could have participated in the home school graduation ceremony but its formality didn't fit my son's personality and I knew I would have to let go of  the dream of watching him walk forward to receive his diploma.  There are few rites of passage in American life and this one was important to me, so I changed the dream.  I made his diploma on the computer, had an extended family ceremony for him, even had him pose in his brother's hand-me-down cap and gown.  It was not the same, but it was what was needed.
     I still wish for my sons the pure wedding night my daughter had with her husband, though I know those are nearly extinct, even among Christians, and for all I know, it may already be too late.  We live in a broken society and, though our standards must be high, we have to be flexible enough to adapt to what is when it is not what we wanted.  So far I have been spared many of the hard situations I have seen my friends face divorce, unwed pregnancies, chronic illness etc., but I hope to have the strength not just to let my dreams die, but to change the dream to something that fits the new reality I may be called to face.  It is important that we put our hope not just in Gods' ability to keep our children on the right path, but to redeem to mistakes they make while on the wrong path.  We cannot correct the damage or cancel our disappointment, but we can change the dream.