Transitions

     There are transitions in life that you know you are making. When I had a hysterectomy at 42, I knew my child bearing years were over. We were not planning to have more children, our youngest was 12 by then, but still I mourned that an era of my life was irretrievably gone. I would never feel a baby stir inside me again, a sensation I miss to this day. The end of my child raising years approached more gradually as, one by one, our kids graduated from high school. But the transition to letting go started years before that as we allowed them more freedom and responsibility. I remember as our oldest child's graduation neared, I felt there was not enough time left to teach all she needed to know about the Christian walk. I wanted to tip her head back and dump a truckload of spiritual instruction down her throat. Fortunately, we were studying Matthew in BSF that year and I realized Jesus, who was certainly qualified to, did not do that. As soon as his disciples understood who Christ really was, He started saying goodbye. Jesus trusted the Holy Spirit to help them remember and apply what he had taught them. I needed to do that too. The lessons she learned would come at the intersections where circumstance meets the Holy Spirit. It was His job to guide her into all truth, not mine.

    Still, it was hard to transition out of active parenting. I loved being a mom and would always be one, but it was no longer my place to tell my grown kids what to do or do tasks for them that they should be doing for themselves. When my kids were teens they were expected to do their own laundry, and cleaning their own rooms was their responsibility years before that. We bought a $200 "extra car" when Britten got her driver's license, but if my kids wanted a car to call their own, they had to pay for it--and gas. Being on our auto insurance kept it affordable ($25 per month), but they still had to pay their share. Having seen the damage done by parents treating their grown kids as if they were still minors, I asked advice from couples at church that seemed to have a good relationship with their adult children. The main piece of advice I was given was not to give advice--unless it was asked for. Since no one likes to receive unsolicited advice (look how we reacted to Covid directives) that sounded reasonable. Another suggestion I kept in mind was from a book by Edith Schaeffer, she said--Let them get there. Don't expect your children to be where you are at spiritually when they have not had your life experiences. God has been patiently, gradually teaching you and He will do the same for your children. Good reminder. God graciously gave me a little motherhood bonus time when the spare sons stayed with us. All had been badly loved by their moms and I had a chance to show them what mothering should be like and whet their appetite for the difference Christ makes in a family.

    But some of the other transitions have come more gradually. One of my gifts is hospitality and we have had many missionaries, students etc. stay with us, but once Tracy left home I realized it was inappropriate for me to host single men. I am certainly no cougar, and I resent the dirty minds some Christians have, but there is more at stake than my reputation and the guest's. Christ's reputation is at risk as well. A man in our church asked Reed if their son home from college last summer could stay with us, since their daughter and friend spent a month with us over winter break. I said no because Tracy's death was recent and I wanted to be free to cry when and where I needed to without worrying about making a guest uncomfortable. But this year when the church announced a need for housing for another college student home for the summer, I realized I couldn't because, even though he would be working, we would probably be alone together regularly and that could look bad. It dawned on me that my time of housing single men is over until Reed retires. And the loss of that aspect of hospitality, even temporarily, makes me sad. Another transition had been made before I even realized it.

    I know there are many transitions ahead simply through the process of aging and I will try not to resent them because the older I am, the closer I get to the best transitions of all:

 

--From continual internal conflict between my sin nature and God's righteous standard, to a mind freed from sin to think as God intended.

--From this earthly body to a spirit body, and later, a resurrected one. 

--From earthly existence to an intermediate heaven and then back to a renewed Earth in the New Jerusalem. 

--From a grieving mother to a joyful reunion, and then eternity together with all my loved ones who belong to Christ.

 

   Those final transitions will more than make up for the ones that feel like losses now.