Drop the Mic

     I recently attended a memorial service that many of us expected to be stressful. There is always stress when suicide is involved and this was complicated by a recent divorce. We requested lots of prayer for the memorial, which was basically refreshments and pictures of the departed. I was so glad they did not have an open mic. Letting people share remembrances, done right, gives a fuller picture of the one who has died. The problem is, there is no control of the done right part. The open mic is frequently used to share off color stories, inside jokes that most of those attending don't understand, and sometimes things that have nothing to do with the person who died. Some people just love the sound of their own voice. And even sharing happy memories of the deceased can be painful for families who experienced a whole different version of that person.

    What is shared at memorials should be a balance between not speaking ill of the dead and reality. My Dad attended a funeral for a coworker, a known philanderer who was only still married because his wife had the patience of a saint. When the preacher glowingly described him as a devoted husband and family man, Dad thought he was at the wrong funeral. My friend Evelyn had left an abusive husband who had, among other things, charged her rent for the privilege of living with him. She had been separated from him for more than a decade before he died. But her children, including the one so afraid of her father that she sometimes wet her pants, expected Evelyn to get up and say something good about him at his memorial. What she managed to come up with was that he taught their children to work hard--she left out the part where they were terrified not to. 

    I enjoyed the service where the pastor shared that among the dying woman's eulogy instructions, he was told to "cut the crap". Perhaps I liked her directness because she sounded like me, we even shared the same first name. On the other hand, at a service in our church a year ago, one of the daughters took so long in her eulogy of her father, her brother had to physically move her away from the microphone. Another hazard of an open mic, is that a trashy person might use the opportunity to air grievances against the deceased or his family. My favorite version of sharing at a memorial, is when a family member reads what others have prepared ahead of time. Few people would be willing to put a questionable story in writing and, even if they did, the reader could leave it out. And, if people are anything like me, their written stories are shorter because writing takes longer than talking.

    Knowing there were already some hard feelings among the mourners at Saturday's service, an open mic could have lead to open hostility. It was an answer to my prayers that they chose to drop the mic.