It was my suggestion to use old tires as the foundation for our front yard water feature. That's how redneck I am. It saved a lot of time, not to mention money, that would have been wasted building the fountain framework and was a more aesthetic way to display the old tires already gracing our property. The fountain has been flowing for years now. We still have old tires tucked around the estate, but not as many. I wish we could say that about the wasps. With access to tiny homes between the rocks and having running water, our yearly supply of yellow jackets are always abuzz with joy over the handy habitat we unintentionally created.
Our latest home project was installing a portable air conditioner in the bedroom. We already have one air conditioner. It was in the living room of our daughter's house when they bought it. When they put in central air, they gave it to us, our family's version of a recycling program. Our living room window openings were too narrow for the unit but the windows themselves take up most of the wall space so we could not cut a hole in the wall, even if we wanted to. The redneck solution to this problem was to build a frame (no tires this time) to make it the right height and use foam board and duct tape to attach it to one of the window openings, as illustrated below. We are happy. The dogs are happy. I have not asked the yellow jackets.
Which brings me to air conditioner #2. My son noticed this portable unit was sitting unused, so he brought it home for me because, although our bedroom cools down nicely with just a fan in the window, the wildfire smoke that blankets Montana every summer makes me migraine. I am not a migraine fan, so a window fan is not an option for much of the summer. A fire south of us has already made me a hostage to the haze, so my thoughtful husband set up the portable air conditioner in our bedroom. Portable units need to vent outside, so he cut a (used, multicolored) sheet of plywood, to fill the gap and accommodate the vent. I was too stunned by its appearance to take a picture of the first redneck combination. Not stunned as in seeing beauty, stunned as in sighting Bigfoot--in an evening gown. The large silver flexible hose connecting the floor unit to the window vent made the whole thing look like the offspring of a still that had mated with a clothes dryer. It was ugly.
It was also extremely loud. White noise helps me sleep, but this was more like an avalanche, or a jet taking off at the airport. Call me paranoid, but I like to be able to hear other parts of the house in case the dog is throwing up or someone is breaking in. This air conditioner would drown out a herd of buffalo playing musical chairs in the dining room. Redneck combination #1 looked like #2.
Reed realized we would not need to display so much silver hose if we could get the air conditioner vent closer to the height of the window vent. We tried a couple of tables (we did not peruse the tire pile), but the item closest to the right height was the little electric fireplace we use to heat the room. Heating on the bottom, cooling on the top. What could be more well balanced? Balance was actually a big concern because the air conditioner has wheels and we have young granddaughters. So my resident redneck screwed the air conditioner to the plywood window insert with metal plumbers' tape and fastened the back wheels to our fireplace stove with duct tape. Red Green would be so proud. Up until that night the ugliest thing in the bedroom was us walking past the full length mirror after a shower.
We have ordered an air conditioner from Amazon. None are available locally, and I presume they must know something about handling heat, they did name it Amazon, after all. When it arrives, Reed will redneck a frame to support it and custom fit another piece of plywood (maybe even a new piece) to accommodate the new ac unit. Then he can remove the lovingly motivated, but loud, mutant, monstrosity from our bedroom. Necessity might be the mother of invention, but rednecks have a whole other kind of mother. Any fool with a tool can shop at a hardware store, but when you need a handyman who has reusable refuse already at your residence, it's redneck to the rescue.
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