Choosing Him

     This was another of those times when I knew a poem was inside me, but I didn't know what it was about. As it happens, it was a love poem. We went out on a date last night, but pizza is not usually my food of inspiration. Chocolate? Maybe. I feel like I should save this for our anniversary or his birthday, but I haven't posted anything for a while and this is all I've got.

Choosing Him

He was not the man of my dreams,

but of my waking

my own choosing,

my conscious commitment

to link my life with his.

 

He is not very romantic.

Most of the time, 

if I want flowers, I buy them.

But he has never forgotten my birthday,

Mother’s Day, or Christmas gifts.

 

I will never come home to 

 a surprise:  party, dinner,

vacation plans or new clothes.

He only has a vague impression

of my size--for which I am grateful.

 

We don’t have mutual interests,

beyond our family and travel.

Music—I’m a little bit country

he’s still 70’s rock and roll.

What we have in common is love.

 

 I tease him often, but 

 I respect him always,

more than any man on earth.

And if I could choose any of them,

I would choose him again.

 

Naturally, he has his flaws,

he works too much, procrastinates,

wears stained, torn clothes,

has questionable taste in some areas,

especially, his taste in wives.

 

But I can hardly find fault with that.

A woman can always tell

when a man is honorable

and she never gets over the honor

of him choosing her.

 

4/23/21

Judah and Sons

     This time through Genesis, I finally understood why the ugly account of Judah and Tamar, which seems so out of place as the story of Joseph unfolds, fits there. Not only does it fit chronologically, but it explains Judah's change of heart when Benjamin is summoned to Egypt. Because it is not just the story of Judah and Tamar, it is also the story of Judah and his sons. Not only did Judah lose two sons, he lost them because they were so wicked God, Himself, put them to death. By the time the famine drives Jacob's sons to Egypt to buy food, twenty years had passed since selling Joseph into slavery. That means for twenty years Judah watched his father grieve for Joseph. Perhaps that is why he left his family and went to Shechem where the trouble with his sons started in the first place. Sometime during those twenty years Judah shared his father's cup of mourning, doubly so. God softened Judah's heart, but it was a painful process.

     Joseph tested his brothers hearts by offering the perfect opportunity to rid the family of Daddy's new favorite son, Benjamin, in a way that put no blame on them. They could pass it off to the demands of a powerful Egyptian ruler. Instead Judah, who now seemed to be the spokesman for all the brothers, offered to take Benjamin's place in slavery, if necessary. He could not bear to see his father's grieve another lost son because he had walked that road of grief himself. And I would not have understood why without the story of Judah and his sons. Tamar's role in Israel's future and the line of the Messiah is significant, but those details could have been inserted before or after the story of Joseph. Much of the Bible is not in chronological order. I think God placed that chapter where it is because it ties into how much Judah had changed by the time he went to Egypt.

     With beautiful symmetry, Joseph not only offered his brothers a chance to pass his heart monitor test, he gave them a "do over", an opportunity to make amends for Joseph through a similar situation with Benjamin. To get right what they got so wrong the first time. To begin to lay down the burden of guilt they had carried for twenty years. And for Judah, it was an opportunity for a heart broken by sorrow to be healed by submission to sacrifice. 

    

    

Is This Wisdom?

           Is This Wisdom?

 

Is this wisdom, I wonder, as I realize

I go deeper now when I read scripture

than I used to, despite decades of Bible study?

I asked for wisdom five years ago

when our son's life imploded

from alcoholism, legal troubles,

a disastrous marriage, debt, job losses

and all the other damage that accompanies addiction.

 

Our home became his sober living place

and we, reluctantly, his sober police.

I begged the Lord for the wisdom He promised,

so we would know how to help him

and when to let him fall.

 

Not just general principles of scripture,

specific guidance from God's Son for ours.  

Not polite prayers, but passionate pleas.

It was enough for me that He guided us 

through those days of desperation.

But now, enjoying the blessing of his sobriety,

his plans for the future, his regained independence,

I still find myself contemplating scripture more deeply than before,

the humanity of the people, the weight of what is written,

and what is not, the weaving of scripture with scripture.

And I realize now that perhaps the power to see more 

is the afterglow of the wisdom I prayed for.

It is so like God to give more than I asked.

The insight did not end when our son got sober

and the need for it was not so dire.

 

Still we wait for him to draw closer to God

because learning to wait for God's timing--

this is wisdom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Injustice of It All

                        Contemplating Good Friday

Connie--

     relaxing in a warm shower after a good night's sleep in a soft bed

Jesus--

     hanging on a cross after a long night of unjust trials and torment

Connie--

    thinking about the latest senseless shooting and the injustice of it

Jesus--

    counting on the unjust hatred of the Jewish leadership to accuse him

    the indifferent justice of the Roman government to crucify him

 

Connie--

     sinful, yet judging my world, longing for justice in it

Jesus--

     sinless, providing justice before God through the injustice of man

 

Connie--

      looking up, I cannot comprehend such breadth of love

Jesus--

     arms outstretched, embracing the injustice of it all