Handywoman's Corner

    We are big fans of the Red Green Show, a comedy about redneck Canadian members of the fictional Possum Lodge. It was the only program we watched on PBS, and it has been out of production so long, PBS no longer airs it. However, they still show Lawrence Welk and he died before the Red Green Show began, but it would no doubt cause rioting in nursing homes across America if it wasn't on TV. One of the segments every week was called Handyman's Corner, where Red would take worthless items found in the home, yard or, even better, a neighbor's yard, and using the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape, Red would construct something even more worthless than the original components. For instance, he made a home intercom system using old toilets and drainpipe, or used an empty aquarium and really poor installation skills to put a sunroof in a car. Not his own car.  The segment always closed with "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."

     Handyman's Corner was the inspiration for my recent Facebook post about using a bra as a face mask for pandemic protection. Because Facebook posts are generally brief, there was not room to expand, which is important when considering bras. So I will put my full figured brain child here. The beauty of the bra face mask is that most women have at least a couple old bras lying around. There are two reasons for this: 1)  Limbo (not limp) bras--the ones that are too worn to wear, but too good to throw out. 2) Experimental bras-- the ones we buy hoping they will fit better than our old stand by, in my case Playtex 18 hour industrial support. When they inevitably let us down, in my case literally, we stuff our bra--in the back of the underwear drawer. The bra I used for my face mask was a D cup, but that is a little excessive, my boob is bigger than my lower face, for which my face is, and any onlookers probably are, thankful. A C cup would fit better, and a B cup would probably work but, if you wear size A, there is more danger of suffocation than Corona virus.
     The next step in making the bra mask is deciding if you want to save both cups or just one. Even though it leaves only one strap to go over your ear, I chose to err on the side of caution and leave both cups intact, in case I need an emergency back-cup. However, the advantage of having just one cup is that you can use the band as a strap to go over your other ear, which will make the mask fit nicer and remove a lot of the bulk where the bra will be tied in the back. Tying a bra behind your head is tricky, but not as difficult as hooking one behind your back, the normal way. Frankly, people gawking at the unsightly knot behind your head is the least of your problems when wearing a bra mask, the expressions of the people you can see are the problem. You can only hope shoppers behind you aren't calling to report a loose mental patient, and that you bring a smile to their lips. But you won't be able to see that, because they are wearing masks.
     Also an advantage is that, if you forget your mask at home, all it takes is a few moments of privacy to rectify the problem, although going bra-less, at my age and weight, is a problem in itself. Another bonus is that social distancing won't be an issue because people will want to stay a minimum of six feet away from you. These are crazy times we live in, we might as well look the part. Remember, "if you can't spread germs, you can at least spread joy."