Me Too, Maurice

     The Me Too in the title does not mean I was sexually assaulted by someone named Maurice. Especially since the Maurice I am referring to is Maurice Chevalier, the French actor. Although, being French, and an actor, I wouldn't put it past him. He has been dead for decades and we did not run in the same circles even when he was alive. What I am me too-ing is his song from the musical "Gigi", I'm Glad I'm Not Young Anymore. True, I miss the looks, muscles and eyesight that growing old has taken from me. But I would miss more the spiritual beauty, strength and perception, that growing old in Christ have given to me.
     I'm glad I'm not young anymore because when I was a young Christian, my prayers were  puny. Morning prayers were often a recitation of my day planner with "Bless" tacked on for good measure. They were equal parts talking to God, worrying, and hoping for the best. I didn't really believe God would respond to my prayers, because when He did answer them, I regarded it as a bizarre coincidence. I would spend hours devising ways God could give me what I wanted and would shoot my ideas up to Him as if God had, or needed, a suggestion box. I trusted God to satisfy my needs, but thought I was on my own for my wants. But the main reason my prayer life was so poor is because my view of God was so small. I approached God like Oliver Twist begging for more gruel. It never occurred to me that God delights to give gifts that delight His children, just as I love doing that for mine.
     I'm glad I'm not young anymore because when I was younger I never really knew if I was in God's will, though I hoped I was. I accepted positions in my church based on my natural abilities and comfort level. I did not realize God supplies the abilities and uses us most when we are uncomfortable. Through those BSF daily application questions that I found so irritating, I learned to apply whatever part of God's word we were studying to what was happening in my life. Being in God's will is simply the Holy Spirit intersecting  my daily Bible study with my daily life.
    I'm glad I'm not young anymore because, until recently, I thought of God as passive and remote.  The most direct intervention of God in our lives began two years ago, through our son's addiction. Stopped on the side of the highway, unsure if our fearful son would make it to Billings for treatment, God commanded a busy Christian headed the other direction, to turn around and talk to us.  He arrived at the very moment I was praying for God to show Tracy that He is real and good. And in the years since that time, the Holy Spirit has continued to speak His thoughts into my mind. I never dreamed a relationship with God could be so real. And I never would have pursued this deeper intimacy if not for the deep waters of Tracy's troubles.
    I'm glad I'm not young anymore because trust is the beauty mark of a Christian, and I learned to trust through decades of experiencing God's faithfulness. The years have also made me more understanding. I understand others' frailty--and my own. I understand God is big, I am small, and so are my problems. I know God hears me, delights to upgrade my requests, and remembers the dreams I have forgotten about. In 46 years as a Christian, even a slow learner like me can pick up a few things. And for the sweetness of the learning to come, I'm glad I'm not young anymore.