I made an unpardonable gaffe at the dinner table a few weeks ago when Tracy's roommate asked what our son and his friend got on their hunting trip. I said, "An elk." All the testosterone bearers at the table stared at me as if I'd lost my mind. "Six point", Tracy offered. Of course, now I understood. It would be like asking my husband what the new parents had, and having him say, "A baby." I, however, would not have been surprised. What we need is a comparison chart to translate baby info into something meaningful to men.
What most women want to know is the sex, size and name of the baby, and possibly something about the difficulty of the delivery. Sex is easy. (I'll just leave that statement alone.) Until the gender police terminally complicate the issue, a baby is either a buck or doe. For size, I'm thinking the average six to eight pound baby could be a four point, eight to ten pounds -- a six point, over ten pounds -- a Boone & Crockett baby. Those mothers' deserve some sort of recognition. For the little guys, four to six pounds could be a two point, and tiny preemies -- antlerless.
Unfortunately, there is no hunting metaphor for the baby's name. Men don't come home from hunting trips saying they shot a "Shirley" or a "Kevin". At least, not in the hunting stories I get to hear. So we might have to wait until we can ask a woman that part. And although men can describe many aspects of their search for game (without actually revealing the location of their hunting spot), and every detail of a complicated shot--position of the sun, temperature, wind velocity, etc., women will probably have to be satisfied with his description that the mom and baby are "Okay . . . I guess".
So in the future, I will remember to ask for baby details in testosterone terms. And for hunting questions, I'll just pass the buck.
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