A Prayer for my Old Age

     For as long as I can remember I have loved older people. Perhaps one of the reasons is that I was privileged to have an "old grandma", great grandmother, who lived until I was nine years old.  She stands out in my life as the first Christian I remember meeting.  She died at age 100, still living alone in her own tiny house, still gardening.  She told wonderful stories of long ago, her childhood, homesteading in eastern Montana  in middle age in the 1910's, the way neighbors took care of one another, or failed to.  But her stories were permeated with Bible truths lived out,  not just talked about, long before I knew what Bible truths were.  I look forward to seeing her again.
     It doesn't bother me when the elderly give bowel status reports and "organ" recitals.  I am a nurse of sorts, these things are important.  I also understand that the hardest losses of all come late in life.  Yet there are things about old age that frighten me, not the narrowing of the arteries but the narrowing of the mind and the careless opening of the mouth, as if age has granted a verbal license to shoot it off .  As access to the outside world decreases with physical limitations, life becomes increasingly lived in the confines of the mind.  I would like that mind to be as spacious as possible.  Alarmingly, I have recognized signs in myself that I may be on the verge on burdening others with the benefits of my years and experience.  That is one of the reasons I started this blog, to satisfy my need to share without victimizing those around me.  No one is required to read this blog.
     Older Christians are not immune to oversharing or fear of debility and death.  They don't fear what comes after death, but the process of death.  All Christians are to look forward to the imminent return of Christ, but for some this becomes motivated  more by fear of their death than love of His appearing.  I wrote the following poem as a reminder to myself of what I don't want to be when I grow up.

            A Prayer for my Old Age

   Lord, let me not grow old before my time
stiff in body, stiffer still in mind.
   Strengthen me to speak with grace and tact,
long-held opinions don't turn into fact.
   Help me to remember that the wise
don't give unsolicited advice.
   Let me grant to other souls the grace
to grow in you, as I did, at their pace.
   May my desire to live til you appear
be driven by my love and not my fear.
   As my body shrinks and my steps slow,
may my faith enlarge that I may go
   boldly after you, even to death,
and trust and grow in you with my last breath.

6/27/2010