Limited Vision

    Since we have come to chapter 10, the conversion of Cornelius, in our Acts study at church, our pastor thought it would be a good time for a Bible wide overview of God's plan for the inclusion of the Gentiles with his chosen people, the Jews. This led to an explanation of reformed theology. In reformed theology, the church has replaced Israel as the recipient of God's promises, therefore the promises regarding land and territory are fulfilled spiritually, not literally. There are many genuine believers who hold this view and I know some of them personally. But I wondered as pastor preached if, since they don't believe God is faithful to his promises to Israel, do they believe he is faithful to his promises to us about salvation? The pastor said reformed theology agrees with eternal security. The problem is, at the time their beliefs were written into their creeds and confessions, Israel was not a nation. The Jews were scattered through many countries. From my research, the middle east at the time of the reformation was divvied up between France and England. Until oil was discovered, that part of the world was largely considered an ungoverned wasteland. Reformed theology was limited in its vision of prophecy by the history of the time in which it developed.

    And in my continued contemplation of the essence of salvation, I realized the same concept of limited vision may apply. We are limited because we only see salvation from human perspective.

If salvation was merely: 

•       a decision to trust Christ, changing our minds would end it
•       a commitment to follow Jesus, we could just stop following
•       a passion for the Lord, those feelings could fade away 

    Both our own salvation and that of our prodigals would be in jeopardy if it depended on those fallible human factors. But salvation from God's perspective is a spiritual reality that He provided, initiated, and completed. We are already citizens of heaven, though our vision is limited to things of the earth. One of the purposes of God giving us prophecy and its behind the scenes glimpses of God's plan, is to lift us from our limited earthly vision to the reality He sees. And if we do not believe that God is faithful to his keep his promises to us about salvation, we are the ones who need to reform our theology.

 

 

 

 

Judge Not

     One of the favorite Bible verses quoted (ironically, in a most judgmental way) by people who don't believe the Bible is Mt. 7:1 "Judge not lest you be judged." It is used as a get out of judgment jail free card, as in, You have no right to criticize me. That's true, as one sinful human being to another, we have no right to judge/condemn. That belongs to God alone. We are, however, commanded to judge/discern (1 Cor. 2:15). Judgment, applied to ourselves, is what protects us from continuing to live in the sin Jesus freed us from and enables us to represent God in a world opposed to Him. Judgment, applied to other believers, is to restore their relationship with Jesus and his church. Judgment, applied to unbelievers, is to show them their need for Christ and to protect society's powerless.

     Human government, both to our amazement and disappointment, is God's plan to keep order on the planet He created. Our judges, though far from perfect, are his assigned authorities within that government. Whether they believe it or not, they represent him. That is why it is particularly reprehensible when they rule unjustly. Though American judges are less likely to be caught taking bribes, nearly all of them are taking sides. Particularly, the left side, which is why they strongly resisted our recent legislature's attempt to make them declare their political party. Though Montanans know our judges are a liberal leaning tower of partisanship, the judges do not want to put that in writing. Throughout our country, judges are ruling in favor of their political persuasion or personal opinion regarding abortion, gender, and other matters where God DID put his ruling in writing. The good/bad news is, the judges themselves will be summoned to court to answer for every decision. There is no Judge Not appeal in God's judgment hall. But it is a sad commentary on our nation's legal system that our judges are making lawyers look like the unbiased officers of the court.

     

 

Coal & Corruption Comment

    It is very rare for me to respond to a survey, especially one that pops up on my phone, like the one from Dynata today. As it turned out, it was about Attorney General Austin Knudsen joining with other states in a lawsuit against investment firms believed to have bought coal companies simply to reduce production and marginalize them as an energy source. The main thrust seemed to be that if these companies lose the lawsuit, loss of their investment dollars may cost the coal industry even more jobs and income. There are obviously many ways to look at this issue, jobs and income are essential, but I wish the survey left room for a comment section because mine would have been this--

    It is not right to leave corruption in place just because it will cost jobs or hurt the state economy. That is how the southern states justified slavery. We can't afford to pay workers wages to pick our cotton. And that is how states like California justify leaving illegal aliens in the U.S. We can't afford to pay American citizens to mow our lawns or clean our houses and pools. There is always a price to be paid for doing the right thing, but it is less costly than continued corruption.

Letter to DOT

 

    Last week our City Council held a meeting for public comment on their proposal to improve downtown Main Street by narrowing it from four lanes to two, with a turn lane as its +1. There would still be parallel parking, but they would add wider sidewalks where the bistros we do not yet have, could offer outdoor tables so patrons could enjoy exhaust fumes with their meal during the two months the weather would be suitable for outside dining. I did not go to the meeting because they are usually just a futile formality for a decision that has already been made. Instead, I wrote an online comment to the Montana Department of Transportation in the probably naive belief that, since Main is actually Highway 93, traffic flow might be of interest to them, I wrote the following:      

 

    My name is Connie Lamb. I live in Kalispell. Please save me from the idiocy of my City Council. Since the federal funds they are eager to access cannot be used for the parking structure we actually need in downtown Kalispell, they are planning to make Main/Hwy 93 into a de facto parking lot by reverting it to one lane each way with center turn lane. Their plan includes keeping parallel parking, which means people who are inconsiderate enough to hold up traffic, will keep an even longer line waiting. And people like me who haven't parallel parked since their driver's license test, will not even try to shop downtown. The diners our Council envisions eating al fresco on the widened sidewalks, can do so while breathing in fresh exhaust from the queue of cars.

    Apparently our council members have not driven Hwy 93 through Polson in tourist season, or they would know that not only can drivers not turn left into a business they might like to patronize, they also can't turn right to get out. Some businesses even put out signs asking thru traffic to please let their customers out of their parking lot. The plan promises to help businesses, but the construction that blocked North Meridian when that road was being rebuilt caused several businesses there to close for good. The Council is probably correct that there will be fewer accidents on Main, because vehicles usually have to be moving to have a collision.

   The combination of federal funds and a foolish idea are irresistible to city government, but DOT has final authority over our highways and I hope you can prevent this impractical plan, or at least park it until we have more realistic representatives.

 

    I received a discouraging response from the DOT saying they supported the idea. Kalispell is to be the lead of a "Safe Streets for All" campaign to take advantage of free federal funds available to frustrate drivers. She referred me to the PR firm tasked with sending responses so they can pretend our comments matter. However, God must answer even snarky prayers because, even though they used the magic word safety in their proposal, last night the council voted down sending an application for the government grant. And there is no way the locals will pay extra to obstruct their own traffic. Kalispell has been saved from this particular piece of idiocy, no thanks to the DOT. My thanks is going to the GOD.

Where There's a Will

    The saying is--Where there's a will there's a way. That proved true for us last week when, by what appeared to be extremely sloppy sovereignty on God's part, our whole house carpet install coincided with Reed's fourth week of radiation therapy. Although we had already told the carpet store we might have to pause the install if Reed got too tired, I kind of wanted to see what God had in mind when He put this plan together. We are blessed to have generous and talented children who are so used to helping out, we did not even have to ask, and so used to working together, no one had to tell the other what to do. So both kids and our son-in-law stepped in to help with the initial furniture and carpet removal but, in another strange stroke of sovereignty, our daughter's family had long laid plans to visit Luke's family in Iowa starting Thursday of install week. Thus the supporting role of carpet removal fell on Will. And he was amazing.

    We asked the installers for a lighter schedule Thursday so we did not have to do much tear out after seeing our granddaughters get their Awana awards Wednesday night. Jules and Ren were Cubbies, the first group to get awards. Sparks were later, so by the time we got home from watching Brie get her award, (brag alert!) the highest Awana gives, Will had already removed furniture, carpet and part of the pad. The carpeting project finished Friday afternoon. The installers, who by that time felt like family, offered to return and put furniture back if Will could not come, no charge. But, of course, he did come. With Reed midway through radiation treatment and some of our family unavailable, it seemed like there was no way to make this happen. But then, where there's a Will, there's a way.

  

Contemplating the Core

     There are entire courses on the study of salvation, soteriology, but I am neither qualified nor attempting to, wax theological here. I have simply been contemplating salvation. Christians talk about salvation all the time, we believe we have it, but what is it really, at its core? 

From human perspective salvation is like:

A flower that grows, at first unseen then, grounded in the word and watered by the Spirit, the first leaves and buds appear. The day the blossom finally opens itself to the sun (Son), that is salvation.

Some experience salvation as a sudden blaze of light into a darkened heart and mind. When the Truth of Jesus that was hidden in darkness until now is finally seen, understood, and acted upon, that is salvation.

Another perspective is a gentle wooing of the heart that grows both in knowledge of, and love for, the pursuer, Jesus. When that pursuit culminates in a decision to take Jesus your as one and only Savior, that is salvation.

This next idea has caused a lot of confusion about salvation, the idea that salvation is a prayer we say. Although prayer is a needed and natural response to Jesus' invitation to salvation, the prayer only cements in our mind the reality which is already taking place in our spirit. Although it is helpful to provide a new believer with a guideline for prayer, many people rely on their words instead of the Word, as their source of salvation. True faith is always accompanied by changed lives. If someone's heart, mind, will, and behavior are unchanged long after that prayer, the Holy Spirit is not indwelling them. Saying a prayer is not salvation.

In a similar vein, some confuse salvation with a flood of feelings like elation. Although most people respond to receiving Christ with immense love, awe and gratitude, the reality of regeneration is not dependent on feelings. The God who created our emotional makeup understands that our response will be as individual as we are. Feelings change and can be manipulated. Elation is not a reliable indication of salvation.

All of the above can be part of our salvation experience, but my own perspective is a little different. For me taking Christ as my Savior was a knock down, drag out fight between my will and the Holy Spirit's conviction. Needless to say, I lost. Early in my exposure to the Bible, I mentally accepted the truths of the gospel, but I did not want to ask Jesus to save me because that meant handing Him the keys to my life and I still wanted the steering wheel. I was a teenager looking forward to controlling my own life, too young to realize adults do not have control either. Some say God will not intrude where He is not wanted--His Spirit is not aware of this! Ask Moses, ask Jonah, ask Paul, ask me. Although opening and warming to the Son, light into my darkened mind, saying a prayer, and later, awe at being loved and pursued so much, my first response to accepting Christ's offer of salvation was to surrender in defeat.

    Human perception of salvation is interesting, but God is the one who defines it.

From God's perspective: 

Salvation is being born again. In John 3, Jesus explains salvation to Nicodemus as being born of the Spirit. We are born physically alive but spiritually dead. Regeneration is the process that makes us spiritually alive. Those who are born physically can die, but they cannot be unborn. Likewise, those born of the Spirit cannot be unborn.

Ezekiel 11 describes salvation as what we would now call a heart transplant. When we trust Christ's sacrifice on the cross to save us, God removes our dead heart of stone and replaces it with a living heart of flesh. Human heart transplants may fail and may even need to be repeated, but God's heart transplants are unfailing forever. 

Though salvation is an invitation--to be forgiven, to become God's child, to live in heaven with Him--it is not just a generous offer, it is a command to be obeyed. If the "Godfather" (movie reference) could make you an offer you can't refuse, certainly God the Father can. Salvation is a free gift, but those who refuse that gift will pay the penalty for it--eternal death.

   I know I am swimming in the shallow end of soteriology and I am not even going to dip my toe into the pool of predestination, but the main comfort I draw from the above descriptions is eternal security. The nature of the spiritual birth that we call salvation is the greatest proof of its permanence. Salvation at its core is that unchangeable event in time in which Jesus calls his own to Himself and, through the Spirit's enabling, we answer.  

May Be Spring

    Yesterday was cool and windy. May can be like that in Montana, so I wasn't sure if the white things I saw swirling in the brisk breeze were petals from the blossoms on our apple tree or snow. Upon closer examination, they were blossoms and, since I don't put flowers outside until Memorial Day, no plant life was in danger from the cold. (Although any flowers I buy are always in danger from my "black thumb.") So the title of this post can be interpreted different ways, May in Montana--May Be Spring, a statement. Maybe Spring?, a question. Or May, Be Spring! a command. Since I could not get a decent picture of our "apple blossom snow," I found one on Google Images, like Amazon, they have everything.

May Be Spring

In northern lands
when spring winds blow,
it is a little hard to know
the apple blossoms
from the snow. 

 

 

5/19/25

 

Yielding

     I'm not sure what this post has to do with Mother's Day except that today I shared with a friend going through her first Mother's Day since losing one of her sons, about the special comfort God arranged for me on my first Mother's Day after losing Trace. His final gift--a Snap-On cookie jar he ordered for me before he died. The kids found it in his RV when they cleaned it out and kept it a secret until Mother's Day. It is now one of my most prized possessions and a precious reminder of the many ways God prepared ahead of time to help with our loss. 

    And something about the persistence of spring, leaves and blossoms bursting forth from bare trees, lawn and plants green and growing again, reminds me of the resurrection. Every living thing God has created remains unyieldingly alive.

 

Yielding 

 

Sometimes a stubborn winter seems

like it won't yield its place to spring.

When all the weak sun has to show

for finally melting winter snow

is dormant grass and matching mud--

yet spring will teem with leaves and buds.

 

Sometimes I sit beside your grave

knowing full well your soul is safe

with Jesus, still I long to see

the body that was dear to me

so strong, but weak with imperfection--

yet stubborn death will yield to resurrection. 

 

5/10/25

 

 

 

 

 

 

Death's Grave

    Reed and I are on a weekend getaway to Helena. We wanted to do something special to celebrate Tracy's birthday, but we cannot get away from thinking about his death. Though we have many good memories of him here, this is also the place he died. I trust Jesus' words in John 11, that those who believe in Him do not see death, but what I see are all the empty places where my son used to be. I wish I could see as the Lord does, without the long years and great distance between earth and heaven. In Revelation 20, death is personified and thrown into the lake of fire. I, too, take death very personally. I want it to pay for the pain it causes. We were not meant to say goodbye.

 

Death's Grave

 

It's hard, when sorrow's grasp clings on,

not to believe that death has won.

They live, but still earth-bound, it's we

who see the death they did not see. 

 

Death, whose bitter pain we know-

through the cross a vanquished foe-

an everlasting funeral pyre

awaits you in the lake of fire. 

Though here on earth your power is great,

the resurrection sealed your fate.

For now, you reign with fearful voice,

soon you will grieve and we'll rejoice.

 

5/2/25

 

 

 

 

 

 

Too Good to be True

    All the genuine Christians I know believe the Bible, but there are some verses we seem rather reluctant to accept, not because they are so awful, but because they seem too good to be true. John 6:37 is one that is especially important to me because God had that verse waiting for me on a card in the mail when we came home from taking Trace to rehab in Billings. It was an additional reassurance that God was taking care of Tracy's soul. Jn. 6:37 All those the Father has given me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. Though it does not detract from our responsibility to share the gospel, and the hearers' responsibility to respond, all those the Father gives as love gifts to his Son, will come to believe. And all that have come to Jesus will never be rejected. Even through years of doubt and disobedience, God does not let go.

   I have shared this verse with other Christians, but some seem to brush it away, even when it would be great comfort, as in the death of a prodigal loved one. I understand their doubts, I shared them. Were they too young when I led them to the Lord? Did they mean it? Did I present it right? Those thoughts are natural for parents and grandparents, but they ignore the reality of the spiritual transaction that is salvation. Our spiritual birth is a fact that God will not, and we cannot, undo. There are many verses that support this, but it just seems too good to be true.

   Another "too good" Bible truth is Is. 55:11 So is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire, and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. What we often wonder as we look at prodigals who grew up knowing and memorizing scripture is, was it all for nothing? Have they forgotten God's word like it seems? Like they sometimes claim? But this verse says it is not possible for God's word to have no effect, to achieve no purpose. And doubting that truth reveals more about our faith than theirs. It seems to good to be true. But that should come as no surprise because--everything about salvation is too good to be true!

Revelation Comes

    We have reached the last lesson in our BSF study of Revelation. Although every part of the Bible is a blessing, Revelation is the only book that specifically promises a blessing for reading it. Part of that blessing is renewed perspective on earthly things and renewed urgency for the lost. I have had opportunities to give my books and Randy Alcorn's "Heaven" booklets to people I ordinarily would not. People I barely know. When I asked the Lord if I should give them, his answer was, The time is short. The stakes are high. That sounds like a yes to me. I wanted to write one more poem as a very brief summation of Revelation. It was a blessing to study it again.

 

 

  Revelation Comes

 

The Word of God revealed to man

the culmination of His plan.

 

The scroll that was read is done at last.

All that it said will come to pass. 

John, who stood near heaven's throne,

returns now to his exile home.

 

Judgment will come, but beauty too.

The earth and heaven will be made new. 

We'll live in Paradise again.

God Himself will dwell with men.

 

We yearn for our eternal home.

Come, Lord Jesus, quickly come!

 

 4/28/25

 

 

 

God's Health Plan

     I was at a Christian women's group recently where we were going around our small circle sharing prayer requests. The woman next to me, who by her 60's should have recognized some correlation between aging and health problems, shared that she and some of her friends were getting illnesses. She attributed this to some kind of spiritual attack because "God wants us to be healthy so we can serve Him." The leader said "No!" and added two more no's for emphasis, and I said, "Just the opposite." For me it was kind of like sighting a kangaroo. I knew prosperity gospel converts were out there, but I did not expect to see one up close. What I really wanted to say was, "Yikes! What kind of Bible are you reading?" It must not include the last verses of Hebrews 11 because, after commending many Old Testament servants of God for their faith, the chapter ends with a list of the spectacular suffering of those of whom the world was not worthy--flogging, chains, imprisonment, stoning, sawed in two, killed by the sword, destitute, persecuted, mistreated. It is true that the Bible does not say they were sick when those things happened, but it could not have been good for their health.

     Jeremiah, for instance, probably would have been in better condition to serve God if he had not been stuck in a cistern for a long, involuntary, lower body, mud bath. And when Jesus sent Ananias to give Paul his "Welcome to the Ministry" speech, He promised to show Paul how much he would suffer for Christ's name. Being blinded, beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, starved, flogged, etc. is not much of a health plan. Would Fanny Crosby have had time to write all those wonderful hymns as a sighted person? Would Nick Vujicic inspire so many to trust the Lord if he had normal arms and legs like everyone else? What would Joni Erickson Tada, who has been quadriplegic since her teens, battled cancer, and is now in chronic pain, say to the idea that God wants us to be healthy in order to serve Him? 

     When it was my turn for prayer requests, I explained that aging and arthritis are the cause of my joint pain in my ankle and shoulder. Nothing works as efficiently as when we were young, including our immune system. But it is a normal part of the aging process, not a Satanic attack. I call this phenomenon "Age Related Body Degeneration." If God wants people to be healthy in order to serve Him, He is not doing a very good job at making that happen, especially as we age. God does not promise health, He promises suffering, but He also promises His grace to endure it, and reward for serving in spite of it. Service to God comes with many benefits, some of those will involve health, because obedience to God's word protects us from the physical effects of sins like drunkenness, sexual sins, and the stress of guilt. Caring for our bodies is part of our stewardship to the Lord, but the specifics of our health are for God to plan.

 

Why I'm Okay with Chaos

      When Donald Trump was elected for his first term and started keeping his campaign promises the moment he took office, we told our youngest son to take note, such a thing had never happened in our lifetime. Generally how it works is, the newly elected president carefully avoids keeping his promises in his first term. That way those who did not vote for him will think he is not too bad, and those who voted for him the first time will have to do it again so he can fulfill them on his second term. Donald Trump did not do that. Although he was interested in a second term, being president was simply one of many things he has invested in, although this investment was in America's interest, not his own. This president was unprecedented.

    But if Trump's first term was a whirlwind, the second is a tornado. He brought Elon Musk and his  DOGE (Dept of Goverment Efficiency) team to stop Washington's waste up the wazoo spending spree. We could call this mechanism a bullDOGEr. Then the president had the audacity to order the deportation of illegal alien gang members from American soil and to remove the revolving door the previous administration left at the border to keep letting them back in. Trump has revised America's role from Sugar Daddy to every multinational group we are allied with, to equal partner. He is attempting the same with the unfair tariff situation our nation has been in for decades. And in his spare time, he is encouraging peace negotiations between Ukraine and Russia, Israel and Hamas. 

   In response, this president has been blocked at every turn by activist judges and the ACLU (which is either the American Communist/Abetting Criminals/or Anti Christian Litigation Unit) depending on the case. Mainstream media, as always, maligns him, but not as loudly as when they thought most Americans agreed with them. Countries that had no money to police their borders or fight the flow of fentanyl before Trump's election, miraculously found the funding. Huge price increases and financial disasters are still predicted, the stock market, including our retirement savings, is on a roller coaster ride worthy of Six Flags.

   But I am willing to ride it out because the alternative is to return to business as usual:

• To a government that threatens to shut down every few months unless we borrow money from other countries (even if they hate us).
• To support a bloated bureaucracy that gives taxpayer money to frivolous, redundant, and even revolting causes.
• To continue subsidizing our allies' share of their own defense budget because America is a generous nation. 
• To allow criminal gangs unlimited access to our nation to recreate the violence so many immigrants fled here to escape. 
• To give money to ease suffering of the poor in middle eastern countries, because America is a compassionate nation, only to have their leaders give it to terrorists who sponsor and celebrate suffering. 
• To be trapped forever in unfair trade deficits because America is a wealthy nation.
• To prolong wars by providing money and weapons, because America is a powerful nation, instead of using that power to arbitrate peace.            

   For those of us who have spent all our adult years feeling trapped in a system we were not only powerless to change, but forced to fund, even a roller coaster ride is preferable to the slow slide into stupidity we have been on. If there is a remote chance Donald Trump's policies can change some of the things I hate about the country I love, then I am okay with chaos.

 

    

  

All the Words I Did Not Say

     This spring's "sadiversaries" have not been what I expected. Since talking about Tracy, telling his stories, has been so helpful in past years, I thought we would have opportunities to do that. As I said in my previous blog, though we had many opportunities to talk to people, it was not about Trace. However, God's purpose for all those conversations was not necessarily about us. He takes care of other people's needs that way too. I also expected to be writing poems about losing Tracy, but could only come up with the first verse . . . until the last couple days. As usual, God does not work from a formula, especially about grief. His care is as personal as it is loving.

 

All the Words I Did Not Say

 

I thought a lot of you today

despite the words I did not say,

and memories I did not share,

still treasured in my heart somewhere.  

 

But on these "sadiversaries"

I can't hold back the memories, 

and wouldn't want to if I could,

not the sad ones nor the good. 

For you will never cease to be

son of my womb, a part of me,

however old we both may grow

or far apart, our hearts will know

 

that we two started out as one,

joined together mom and son.

And someday we will join again 

not on this earth, but in heaven.

 

 I trust the one whose loving plan,

  holds both our souls within His hands.

I'll greet you, when I'm called heavn's way,

with all the words I did not say.

 

  4/7/25

 

 

 

Odd Odds from God

    I didn't know what to expect for this spring's third "sadiversaries" of losing Tracy. The first year Reed had Cessna maintenance classes in Wichita. Two of Reed's classmates joined us for dinner at Texas Roadhouse exactly one year after Trace died. They tolerantly listened to many Tracy stories and it was healing to be able to share about him with people who would not become sad. I think it even helped the one whose son died six years before, because he showed me his son's picture when we left the restaurant. He said he had not looked at that picture or spoken of him in years. During last year's sadiversaries, Reed was having tests for his prostate cancer, so our focus was more on physical healing than healing grief. 

   This year I realized I had been telling those who asked that I was fine, but inside I was counting down until the 22nd, not in a "fine" way, so I asked for prayer from three groups I am a part of. I could tell the prayers from them and others helped because, although I was still counting down, my feeling of dread subsided. Saturday's emotions were as mixed as the weather--snow, rain, sun, stirred together by the wind. While we did not have opportunities to talk about Trace, as we did that first year, the Lord stirred lots of people to talk with into the mixture of our day. The two older gentlemen who are often at Tool Palace during our weekly visit shared, after I did, that they had both lost sons. Odd. 

   We wanted to choose a place for dinner that Tracy would like, and decided on a tiny-home sized barbecue place in Somers called "Cowboy Up." Since we were the only customers, I thought maybe we could visit with the waitress/owner about Trace. Instead another couple came in. The wife looked remarkably like a girl whose family went to the same church as Reed's, and was a close friend of Reed's sister. But that was in Missoula, so the odds of this fellow diner in a restaurant that seats 15 being the same person seemed slim. However, when I asked if they were local and she told me they were from Clinton, I knew it was her. Again, we didn't talk much about Tracy, but caught up on other things. Then the cook/owner came in to visit with us. He had also lost a son. 3 out of the 4 men I talked to that day had lost sons. Only God could beat odds that odd.

   At another hardware store on Sunday, we ran into a friend we had not seen for years. Alan's wife died two years ago, so he understood recent loss. And then he was able to encourage Reed about radiation for prostate cancer because he had also gone through that. So we added our visit with Alan to God's odd itinerary for our weekend.

   Monday, the anniversary of the day we found out about Tracy, Amanda offered to meet at the cemetery. She brought her sister April, who I had wanted a chance to talk to ever since her son died in a car accident in January. April is thinking of buying a plot for Alihn at the same cemetery. The wind seemed to be plotting against the purchase, it was particularly cold and strong that day. I was pleased to know April is already attending Griefshare. I gave her my Lament book and the "Heaven" booklet we give to so many in Tracy's memory. We also now have each other's contact info. I gave Amanda a book too, the one about our family, since we consider her family-- Life Lines of the Lamb. Between the emotions, the sharing, and the wind, I felt very drained for the rest of the night. It took every ounce of my concentration just to fix dinner. I knew I would be unable to focus for ladies prayer time, and did not go, but my request did.

   So our third sadiversaries were packed with prayer and people . . . and purpose, everything God does has purpose. Odds are, He won't let me know what it is. But that is not odd, for God.

Tracy's Blessing

    Today is the third anniversary of Tracy's death. Our emotions were much like the weather--snow, rain and sun all mixed together by a cool March wind. One of the documents I came across while looking for something else today was the blessing letters Reed and I wrote to Tracy in July 2010 when he finally got his own place. We wrote blessings to Britten and Will as well, but that was before I had the presence of mind to keep a copy for us. When I reread the letter, especially the last few lines, I realized my letter about leaving our house for a home of his own, was also fitting for leaving his earthly home for his heavenly one.  

Dear Tracy,

  I knew we would be writing this letter soon, I could sense it, you were ready to leave. Although there is a loneliness in seeing a child leave home, there is great satisfaction in seeing your young adults reach the goal of responsibility and maturity that you have always wanted for them. As your sister, brother, and even the spare sons moved out, we gave them a letter of blessing, it is intended to show three things--our observations on their character, our hopes for their future and, most importantly, to convey the privilege it has been to have you in our home. We are thankful for the extra years we have had with you. They have been a bonus, not a burden.

   Your great strength is your good heart and nature, you are easy to be around. You see what others need and you try to help, or at least not hurt, them. Of all of our children, I have felt the safest with you. All of you kids know my failings, but I always felt secure that you saw me clearly and still approved of me. Everyone needs someone like that in their life. I hope you will continue to be that for others. Like your Dad, you have mechanical abilities and a good variety of skills which will be useful in your life and a blessing to others. You are increasingly responsible with money and a hard worker.

   Our hope for all of children is the same, that you will love and serve God. That is what we are made for and it gives life meaning. I think you struggle in the same way I do, thinking God is passive, that He watches but doesn't really do anything. Sometimes this feels true, but I can tell you from 37 years experience as a Christian, that He skillfully weaves circumstances together to bring about His purpose. He will do that in your life, your choice is whether He will do it the easy way or the hard way. We pray everyday that God will draw you close. If He wasn't interested in you, He would have put you in a different family. You belong to us and you belong to God. I will wait patiently for that. You are worth waiting for. 

 

                                                                                 Love,

                                                                                         Mom 

The Chimes

      One of the fairly common things given in remembrance of a loved one is wind chimes. I was not sure what to do with the set we received in Tracy's memory. They certainly did not reflect his taste in music. Reed eventually hung them in our back yard apple tree. Unlike my brother-in-law, who finds such chimes a painful reminder of the perpetual winds of his North Dakota childhood, I do not dislike wind chimes. But I did not see how they reflected loss of a loved one until this year when, due to the late arrival of snow, we left them up through the winter. There is something incredibly brave about the music of chimes in a winter wind. Their sound could be the theme song of grief. Hope amidst a howling storm.

 

The Chimes

 

The chimes that hang upon the tree

make music in your memory.

In all the winter wind and chill,

through many storms, I heard them still.

 

Someday soon those winds will bring

growth reawakened with the spring.

From seeming death new life will dawn

and in that hope the chimes ring on. 

Though you, my son, now live above

beyond my touch, but not my love,

I, like the chimes, must just hang on

embrace the wind and sing my song. 

                                                                      3/14/25

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then Come the Birds

    This week's Revelation poem came early in my study. At last, concepts I can visualize, horses, armies, scavenger birds. Something I can sink my teeth and their talons into.

Then Come the Birds 

The birds have come to feast upon

the smoldering corpse of Babylon,

while bridegroom warrior comes to fight,

leading His armies dressed in white.

 

A cavalry with heaven's power

to bring God's judgment on this hour.

For they, before the wedding feast,

must kill the kings and bind the Beast.

 

The birds swoop in on eager wings

to gorge on soldiers and their kings.

The Beast and Prophet duped the world,

but in the end they will be hurled

 

Far from the power they desired

to suffer in the lake of fire.

The earth from sin has been released,

soon will begin a time of peace.

 

Then come the birds to feast upon

the carnage left when battle's done. 

Revelation 19

 

The Kings of the Earth

     We studied Revelation 18 in BSF this week. It is a chapter of grim judgment against the pinnacle and power of the world under Satan's rule--Babylon. But these ugly prophecies are recorded in surprisingly beautiful language--poetry. Most prophecies of the Bible are actually written in poetic form, it is just hard to recognize in our English translations. Of the 24 verses in chapter 18, 16 are poetry. And since poetry speaks to me, I will offer my own perspective in the same form.

 

The Kings of the Earth

 

When God's judgment comes to Babylon

and the stench of her blood and filth are gone,

God's own will rejoice in a world reborn,

but the kings of the earth will weep and mourn.

The kings of the earth will mourn.

 

Revelation chapter 18 

3/9/25

 

The Last Place We Saw You

    This is the first time the Montana aviation conference has been in Missoula since Tracy died almost three years ago. The last two days have been a nice break from the routine of home and a welcome reunion with the larger aviation community, but the memories knocking at our hearts have grown louder despite all the daily distractions. Today I must deal with my grief and write it.

 

The Last Place We Saw You

 

So many things have changed

since we were together three years ago.

We thought we would be okay

meeting in a different venue,

staying in a different hotel,

eating at different restaurants.

 

But one thing has not changed,

the most important thing--

This was the last place we saw you alive.

 

Despite the busyness of the conference,

the pleasure of visiting and sharing meals

with friends and family, and

the proud memory of your public award,

one thought pulses in the back of our minds, 

 refusing now to remain in shadows.

 

Despite the different date, and venue,

 the new ones who came and the old who did not--

This was the last time we saw you alive. 

 

We want both to embrace the image

and to push it away

because after that came the still body,

unnaturally cold and cosmetically enhanced,

foreign, familiar, loved 

and unbearable to look at. 

           We know you're fully, freely alive now,            

we'll join again in heaven, and yet

those joys to come cannot make us forget--

 

This was the last place we saw you. 

3/1/25

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wrath

    After last week's Revelation study of God's final judgments, this week's lesson is about why they are deserved. I have often read about sin's downward spiral in the latter half of Romans 1, but this time I felt compelled to write it in, if not poetry, a more fitting format for mankind's driven descent into darkness.

Wrath

Because people--

 

 suppress truth,

knew God but didn’t

thank or glorify.

So, thinking became futile

hearts darkened.

Claimed wisdom, became fools.

Exchanged the glory of God

for images of

men, birds, animals, reptiles. 

 

So God gave them over--

to sinful desires

sexual impurity.

Exchanged truth about God for a lie

worshiped created, not Creator.

To shameful lusts

homosexuality

depraved minds

every kind of wickedness,

evil, greed, depravity,

envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice.

Gossips, slanderers, God haters,

insolent, arrogant, boastful.

Invent ways of doing evil,

disobey parents.

No understanding, no fidelity,

no love, no mercy.

Know such deeds deserve death,

 continue doing them,

 approve others who do.

And that is why—

Wrath.

Romans 1

Married Musings

   For Valentine's Day, my Facebook post was a love poem I wrote in 1978,  Precious Gifts. In the spirit of, if not the depth of, that poem, I offer this new, lite version.

 

Married Musings

 

The things I may have gone without

because I married you

were things I never thought about,

or too grand to come true.

 

My childhood dream of traveling

was surpassingly fulfilled.

Jewelry, besides my wedding ring,

has never been my thrill.

 

I love the gifts you've given thus far

because your heart insists,

for a showpiece home or fancy car

weren't even on my list. 

 

You could have bought more guns and tools

I'm sure you would agree,

but joy from mere possessions cools

without a family.

 

So if, my dear, you muse about

how changed your life might be--

there's love you would have gone without

if you hadn't married me. 

2/16/25

 

 

 

 

 

Still My Valentine

     For the first time since Tracy died, my Valentine card for Reed did not begin with expressing how hard the past year has been. The sorrow over Tracy is still there, especially during the sentencing of the dealer and at Christmas, but its shadow no longer covers the whole calendar. The softening of grief I have heard about seems to be happening. So this year's card is more like those I have written in the past. About love, not loss.

Still My Valentine

In the early years--

The strands of your hair

were gold back then.

Your body strong and thin.

Your face unlined by tracts of time

your hands had smoother skin.

 

Yet I feel no regret

that the boy I met

has changed with the winds of time,

for the years that we've had

make me more that glad

that God chose to make you mine.

Happy Valentine's Day Reed!

2025