Monday, September 30, 2024

Inefficiency Inc.

    With apologies to my niece, who works for Logan Healthcare, sees the good in all things, and makes everywhere she goes a better place--Never have I seen inefficiency as intentionally incorporated into a system as in our local Logan healthcare monopoly. Although, my opinion might be different if I had ever served in the military. For example, I recently tried to see an orthopedist for an ongoing back problem. A friend of my husband who is a retired orthopedic doctor got a referral for me so I would not have the typical two month wait to see a specialist. I received a message from the spine clinic. My appointment was just a few days away. Miraculous! This was followed a couple hours later by a message saying my appointment was actually mid November, two months away. Typical! I called the office two more times to make sure the earlier visit wasn't still available. No, but they could put me on the cancellation list. 
    The next day I got a call for an earlier appointment--the exact same time they had told me originally. The doctor did not seem nearly as happy to see me as I was to see her. I found out later Reed's physician friend used his influence to restore my earlier appointment time. But I had violated some scheduler's obstruction system and the doctor knew I had taken cuts. She probably put the diagnosis "Entitled" somewhere in my medical chart. Since there was no one in the waiting room when I got there or when I left, I think that time slot had been available all along. The waiting list for cancelled appointments was a ruse. Whether appointments were available or not, the system specified a two month wait for a specialist.
    Example two: Recently my daughter took my seven year old granddaughter to urgent care with breathing problems following a cold. As her breathing became more labored, my daughter considered going to the ER instead, but the system there is usually a four hour wait. A nurse came to the waiting room and called another patient's name. That mother graciously offered to let my granddaughter go first, since her daughter could wait. The nurse said, "We have a system." Fortunately the other mom's system was to let the child struggling to breathe go first. I am not an RN, but I'm pretty sure Airway, Bleeding and Circulation are still at the top of the triage chart for urgency. Though apparently not when circulating through Logan's system.
   Also part of the system is that a dispatcher must call all five air ambulance services that are part of Logan's network before scheduling an emergency flight. Even though no one answering those numbers will take responsibility for approving the transfer. Even if the patient is dying. On the subject of dying, I believe if the Logan monopoly got all our hospice services into their system, it would run so inefficiently, no one would die. 
     If a program is working well, Logan changes it. If a manager is effective, they either quit in frustration or get replaced. The continually changing new managers recycle the same ideas that failed in the past. Logan will pay a self proclaimed expert for advice and ignore the input of the actual experts, their own employees. I know that nothing I say will sterilize the septic system at Logan or budge their corporate culture from inefficiency, but I just needed to get this rant out of my system.

Saturday, September 28, 2024

To Judi, at Sunrise

    I was asked to write a poem for Reed's aunt Judi's memorial service, which was today. I have known Judi since before Reed and I married 47 years ago. She told me what a good guy Butchie (her name for him) was, and I got the impression that what she was not saying aloud was, Don't hurt him! She had apparently heard that when we started dating in college, I was also interested in another guy who had gone home to Montana. In Bible college, where you are considered practically engaged if you sit with the same guy twice in chapel, I got a terrible reputation as a two timer, that I was using Reed to make the guy I really liked jealous. After nearly five decades of marriage to Reed, I hope I have proved I am not just stringing him along. 
    There were a lot of specifics about Judi in the beautiful obituary written by her granddaughter, but I have found specifics make long and awkward poems. Like the seven verse song, "The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald", minus the music to tie it together. I also like to keep my grief poetry simple to be applicable to as many people as possible. I don't know if my poem was included in the memorial, we were unable to attend, but I told family I wouldn't post it here until after the service. Here is my farewell to Judi.
 
To Judi, At Sunrise
 
In this life we walk toward a sunset
through the warmth of the sun
and the chill of the snow.
 
We learn both of beauty and sorrow
through the choices we make
and the places we go.
 
We build friendships,
and houses, and families, with
times of adventure and fun.

We leave all our possessions
behind us, and yet, the bequest
 of our love lingers on.

But the treasure we keep
at the end of life's day
are the lives that we touched
along the way.

To Judi, at sunrise

9/4/24


Wednesday, September 25, 2024

The Brave Shepherd

    There has been a bare place on one of our bedroom walls since we rearranged our room to install a mini-split unit two years ago. I could have hunted around for a picture to fill it, but I had a feeling that spot was reserved for something special. A few weeks ago I saw this canvas online and Reed made it my birthday gift. There are many nice prints available showing Jesus in his role as shepherd. One that is popular now shows a robed Jesus racing toward a lost sheep. It is a nice sentiment, but that lamb is only wet and muddy, not in immediate danger. The picture below is called, "Jesus Protects His Sheep from Wolves." But I think of it as The Brave Shepherd. To me it illustrates the eternal security of our salvation. If David snatched a lamb from a lion's mouth (1 Sam. 17:34-37), would our heavenly Shepherd do less? This picture shows the Savior I called on when Satan tried to snatch my son into the darkness of addiction. Yes, Jesus is meek, but not when He's fighting for His own.

 


 

The Brave Shepherd

Jesus lived meekly upon the Earth,
a world He spoke into existence.
Jesus suffered meekly upon the cross,
built by people He created,
and could have destroyed
with a single Word.
 
It took a strength I will never
possess nor understand,
to restrain His powers 
in the face of such unjust suffering,
the omnipotent God meek and mute
in the hands of helpless humans.
 
But it would do no good
for the Shepherd to sacrifice His life 
for His sheep, if He did not first 
defeat the enemy trying to kill them.
His love for us is not mute.
His defense of us is not meek.
 
Jesus did not just find us once, 
alone, helpless, and lost,
He seeks us still. He keeps us forever.
And our Shepherd is not just good,
He is protective. He is powerful.
He is brave. 

9/25/24
 
 






Saturday, September 14, 2024

The Poet's Promise

   When my biggest fan, my mother-in-law Pat, shared that reading my Lament book was still helping a family member with his loss, I began to ponder--What is it about poetry that helps a hurting heart? Why do people who at no other time read poetry, so often seek it in sorrow, include it in memorial services? My conclusion is the following, unsurprisingly--a poem.

The Poet's Promise

The poet's promise
is not to heal your pain,
but to join you in it,
to give you words
for the things you feel,
to shape your sorrow
within a beautiful frame,
to search for the beacon
hidden in the darkness.
 
Fitting honest words
to your pain and hope
is the only power
in the poet's promise.


Friday, September 6, 2024

It is a Gift to Hear His Name

      My cousin in Missouri posted on Facebook about how much she missed her son, Sean, who died young of congenital heart disease. I have seen many versions of the sentiment in this poem, usually gender neutral to apply to as large a group as possible. I thought about doing that, but this is my version, and I lost a son. The Lord has recently given me the gift of hearing from people who remember Tracy, and their words are so soothing to my soul. A friend who is a widow told me that after her husband died, only one of her friends ever mentioned him again. All of us worry about saying the wrong thing to those in grief, but I believe one of the worst things we can say to the suffering--is nothing. 

 It is a Gift to Hear His Name

To those who want to ease our pain--
help our loved one live again,
share a memory, make him real.
Tell about the loss you feel.
It is a gift to hear his name.
 
Let us know our much missed son
lives on in hearts besides our own.
Our grief parched souls are thirsty for 
stories where he lives once more.
We're happy just to hear his name.

It is a gift to hear his name.