But I Will

 

     If my poems are the children of my brain, this one was breech and there was no anesthesia available. Sometimes, all I have to do to create a poem is write it down and tweak a few words. Writing up this, extremely simple, concept was more like tweaking a bear into submission with a wooden spoon. At this point, I don't even care if my brainchild is homely, I'm just glad my mind is no longer in labor.

 But I Will

 With baby steps, my small grand girls

will move beyond their toddler world.

Gabrielle, Renata, Jules,

will leave their baby toys behind,

explore, and read, and fill their minds

with the ways and wonders of God's world.

 They won't recall these early years,

  but I will.

 

I've misplaced my car keys and phone,

lost shopping lists, headed back home,

forgotten where I parked the car

and, oh so many, names.

But I'll recall our special games.

They won't treasure former favorite toys

or the first words they said,

  but I will.

 

We will still have our Grandma days

but we will play in different ways.

It is okay my precious three

that you can't share my memories.

There's so much more to share ahead.

As you grow up, these early things

may not seem worth remembering,

but I, forever, will.

6/29/21

 

 

 

 

 

 

Numbers Game

• When Covid numbers spiked November through January, our news said it was because we uncooperative Montanans weren't wearing our masks. However, since the spike was nationwide, I find it hard to believe all the rebels chose to unmask at the same time. I think the more contagious, less fatal, variant arrived before they knew to look for it.
  
• Then came the vaccine, and our news gave vaccinated Montanans credit for the falling numbers. However, since the decline in cases preceded the vaccination clinics, I find that hard to believe.  
• Now that the number of fully vaccinated in our county goes up slightly each day, but the infection rate has stabilized in a 5-20 new cases pattern, our news is strangely silent. I guess if they can't game the numbers, they quit the game. That I can believe.
  

Because a Little Bug Went Ka-choo!

     Like most parents trying to downsize the toy department of their house, I gave away many of my children's outgrown books. One of the select few I saved for my grandchildren has the above title. It is the story of the cascade of unintended consequences caused by a little bug sneezing. At the end, all the involved people and animals bumble into a circus parade in town--"And that started something they'll never forget. And as far as I know, it is going on yet." Kind of like a kid version of chaos theory, using a bug sneeze instead of a butterfly's wing. Here's my version:

Because a tiny, Covid bug went around--

businesses everywhere had to lock down.

Because of that lock down, some closed for good

and many wage earners became unemployed.

Because of less jobs, government sent more money.

and that had a consequence no one finds funny.

Because some get as much watching TV in bed,

they don't look for jobs, they just stay home instead.

 

Because of few workers, more businesses died 

or cut back their hours, which is slow suicide.

Because they cut back, they can't make up their loss.

Covid got better, but life still got worse.

 

And because of these problems, and not paying rent, 

and stimulus checks meant to pay bills, are spent,

bankruptcies and foreclosures await many yet.

And my toddler granddaughters are now deep in debt.

 

When working remotely caused people to move

away from the cities to places we love,

the cost of rentals and homes went up so,

that lower paid workers have no place to go--

   (except maybe states that support Uncle Joe).

 

So we didn't run into a circus parade,

but Covid passed through and its side effects stayed.

And that's how it happened, problems still abound

because, just because, Covid bug went around.

 

Two Kinds of Trust

    My Bible study for today was Psalm 46. Verses 1 and 10 are often quoted:

 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." vs 1

 "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth!"10

   In between are verses about not fearing though the earth be removed, the mountains carried into the sea, waters roaring and mountains shaking, God stopping the wars against His people. Beautiful. Poetic. Inspiring. But what does it really take to shake us?  Political news? Media fearmongering? In reality, not much. So today I am contemplating trust. Specifically:

Two Kinds of Trust 

There is a difference between trusting God

in the midst of what is happening in our world

and trusting Jesus to come back

to rescue me from it.

 

The first is to trust come what may.

The latter is to trust I’ll get away.

There is a place for both.

 

We are to watch for that blessed hope,

but not as an escape hatch

for a world we feel is out of God’s control—

because that is not true.

 

U C CDC

      My initial post on the CDC was about their mask "rule-ommendations", but this one is about the vaccine.  The same abundance of caution theme that demonstrated they did not really think masks were effective is sending the same message about the vaccine. You see CDC:

• If the vaccine only works while you follow the mask and distancing protocols, it doesn't work.
• If it only works when you are with other vaccinated people, it doesn't work.
• If people who have had Covid still need a vaccine, it doesn't work. If the live infection doesn't trigger enough immune response, the tiny inactive dose the vaccine provides is not going to help.
• If the vaccine has to be repeated in a few months, why bother?
• If it may not be effective against variants, you have removed incentive for the remaining vaccine holdouts. 

     Some of these cautious recommendations have since been amended. After waiting a few months to watch for unforeseen side effects (like turning into zombies) in the guinea pigs/volunteers who got vaccinated first, I have now had the shot and so has my husband. But U C CDC, when you are trying to motivate millions of people to get the vaccine, you need to emphasize the positives, not the protocols. If you want people willing to get the needle stick, the carrot should be a return to normalcy, instead of a bloody band-aid.

Korah's Contemplation

     My Bible study for today was Psalm 44, a maschil (contemplation) of Korah, one of the chief psalm writers. What he is contemplating is, if God allowed puny Israel to drive out the inhabitants of the promised land early in their history, why is He allowing more powerful Israel to be defeated and scorned by their enemies when they are being obedient? Age old question--Why do bad things happen to good people? There are no easy answers. The Arminian view is that God is in charge of good things and Satan is in charge of bad things, like a really screwed up custody battle. In that view, God is the one who sends rain to help man, Satan sends hurricanes to harm them. God does not cause the bad thing, but He allows Satan to do it. I wish I could find the sermon I heard by R.C. Sproul refuting this idea, because he said if that were true, we should probably worship Satan because God is not the one who wants to hurt us. The Arminian view is appealing because we don't want God to look bad. But it is not our place to justify God, it is His place to justify us.

     An example I read of the difference between God causing and allowing circumstances, is that of a parent passively watching his toddler fall in the swimming pool and drown versus a parent holding their toddler's head in the pool until they drown. One is more evil and intentional than the other but the outcome for the toddler is not changed by the semantics of allowed vs. caused. If God is sovereign, He is in charge of both the victories and the defeats. God, not Satan, sent the death angel into Egypt and, though He provided a way for the Israelites to be protected, the firstborn of Hebrews who ignored his warning would be just as dead. The same God who opened a path through the Red Sea for Israel, closed it on the Egyptians. He sent hail stones to defeat Israel's enemies and sent His angel to slay 185,000 Assyrians in one night. He sometimes commanded genocide including against women and children, even their livestock. God does not step out and sub in Satan for the messy stuff. They are working opposite plans.

     I am looking forward to the seminars in heaven which tackle the complex issue of the sovereignty of God, the plots of Satan and the choices of man. Though I may have to repeat the class several times, because I know it is more complicated than God controls good things/Satan controls bad. So my contemplation cannot help you with that one Korah, but I bet you have figured it out by now.

Ma Nature's Raspberry

    We are in Gig Harbor, WA this week. While yesterday was sunny and mid 80's in Kalispell, it was cool and rainy here--until evening. About 8 p.m. the clouds parted and out came the sun in all its glory. This happens frequently in Kalispell also but, instead of being encouraging at the end of a dreary day, it feels more like teasing--here's what the day could have been like if the clouds weren't in the way, sucker. Thanks so much, Mother Nature! Yesterday I wrote this poem about it.

 

Ma Nature’s Raspberry

As they often do at the close of day

the clouds decide to go away

to display the setting sun.

 

A parting glimpse of what might have been

had they been so kind as to let it in.

Too late for much enjoyment.

 

If nature is a mother who

must spoil the outdoor things we do

she should seek new employment,

instead of nightly bidding—Pfffft!

 

 

Patching Up

    I recently had an experience so unique it took me a while to process and here, at the hotel in Gig Harbor, I finally have time to write about it. On my mother-in-law's last visit, she returned from her walk with a stranger that needed "patching up". Since we went through a period 13 years ago of housing homeless boys, and have kept various missionaries through the years, we are no strangers to hospitality, but this was the first time I opened my house to a complete (but mentally incomplete) stranger. The missionaries we hosted were known to our church. And the young men we housed were all vouched for--Andy, A.J. and Lance by Tracy, McKenzie, Justin and Loren by Lance, Aaron by McKenzie. Not only were they present to vouch for the newcomers, they were present in our home to intercede if there was any trouble with them. Except in the case of Aaron (McKenzie was living elsewhere by then) whom I had only met once, and for whom I desperately tried to find other housing, but couldn't send back to the elsewhere where he'd been beaten up. Besides, there was always the protection of having Tracy and Reed in our home.

     That was not the case with Julie when she arrived. Pat could only give me brief information on the phone because she didn't know much about her yet and Julie could hear what she was saying. Because my guest turned out to be delusional and mentally ill, I still don't know much about her. She was obviously homeless, since she had spent the night in an abandoned car. She claimed to have escaped men who tortured her and broke her ribs, but she did not move like someone with broken ribs and refused to go to the hospital, which most people prefer after being tortured. Julie also had part of her hair dyed pink and most captors do not accommodate hair color preferences. She said she had removed her patch because it wasn't helping, and there are patches to dispense psychiatric medications but, by the confused condition she was in, I would agree with her. It was not working. It might have been a patch to monitor drug use, but I would not have let her in the house if she seemed high. Frankly, if my mind worked like hers does, I would use drugs too. And drug use would explain why she was more concerned the police would arrest her, than her "torturers". 

   I have both personal and professional experience with delusional people and have found ways to show interest in their conversation without encouraging their delusion. So when Julie said Princess Di had been planning to visit her before her tragic accident, I shared that it was sad she died so young, and how difficult paparazzi can be. Conversely, when she claimed to have $5.2 million in another country, but didn't care about that sort of thing, I did not share that millionaires seldom have to shelter in abandoned cars. So I do not know if she really went to school where she claims, has three children, was widowed in 2017, or has a service dog in the animal shelter. There is no reason to lie about such things, but delusional people often live in a different reality.

    I fed her breakfast, gave her my smallest pair of shoes to replace the oversized men's shoes she had been wearing, hugged her before she left and told her "God loves you and you're going to be all right". And, although I was really uneasy about letting a mentally ill stranger with a knife, ride with my mother-in-law, especially when I found out afterward how difficult she had been in the car, I also really wanted Julie out of my house. It was Grandma day and Brie could not come over until it was safe. After refusing the hospital, Pat wound up taking Julie to the mental health center, where she was known and welcomed. Hopefully, she got the patching up she needed, but there is a difference between needing help and wanting it. And it is good to know, if it happens again (there are problems with mentally unstable people in our police reports daily) that the mental health day program takes walk ins. But if I found a wandering stranger in need like Julie, I would give them food and clothing out on my porch, and let the police handle the transportation. God sometimes calls us to do the unexpected, but not the unwise, we could have been the ones who wound up needing patching up. 

    I am trusting the God who kept us safe then, both with Julie's problems and the fact that she knows where we live. As for the men who victimize women like her, I pray for God's patching up--after His punching down.