Pretty much anything used to make plants grow is disgusting. To sanitize a bumper sticker sentiment--Fertilizer Happens. Christians may flourish in happy, sunny times, but what drives our roots deep and hopeful tendrils to reach for the sun is the messy stuff. Consecration through compost. Lately, we have been hip deep in fertilizer at my house and I am latched onto Jesus like a starving leech. By now Reed and I should be the rhubarb of spiritual growth. Yet the hard things happening in our lives are not nearly as nasty or toxic as the stuff that makes plants grow. So when life stinks, fruitfulness can't be far behind. Grow, reach towards the Son.
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Totally Unfair
God has been unfair to me my whole life and I am so glad. Sometimes we Christians, with the best of intentions--to empathize and commiserate with suffering believers, offer the idea that the difficulty happening in their life is undeserved, unfair. Generally in life we reap what we sow. This principle is biblical. But so is the book of Job, one of the earliest written, to show us that there is an unseen spiritual context woven into the events of our lives. I am not God's fairness monitor. The only reason I have any concept of fairness is the glimmer of God's image in my sin distorted soul. Judging God's actions by our standards is like a toddler arguing science with Einstein.
Here are some examples of the unfair things that have happened in my life:
Here are some examples of the unfair things that have happened in my life:
- God sought and saved me as a teenager, when the fair thing to do would have been to leave me in the personal and church endorsed self-righteousness of Mormonism.
- He provided funds for me to go to Bible college where He also provided a husband better than I deserve.
- God pried our sticky fingers off our home in Billings to move us to western Montana, where we really wanted to be. Though it looked like unfairness, bordering on cruelty, at the time.
- He allowed me to be the stay-at-home mom of three healthy, challenging children, who made me grow up.
- Once again God came through with funds so we could send the above challenges to Christian school.
- My husband works hard, but the generous salary God has provided in our later years is much more than we expected to have or need to live on.
- God unfairly forced us wait a year hunting for a different house, because He had a much better one reserved for us.
- My childhood dreams of travel were driving a truck to some Montana Super 8 and spending more than one night at the hotel. What God unfairly provided was a major upgrade to beautiful hotels in interesting places for weeks at a time.
- Every blessing in my life has been greater than anything I deserved, therefore, totally unfair, and I have never once complained to God about it.
Sunday, May 21, 2017
Peter Principles
For the past two weeks our pastor, aptly named Peter, has been preaching on 1 Peter (probably no relation). When he asked us to notice certain phrases in chapter 1, verses 3 - 9, I began to key in on two word phrases. The two words are not necessarily side by side in the text, but they go together. So, yes, I got off on a rabbit trail, but it was Peter's rabbit.
Peter Principles
3 Praise God
new birth
living hope
4 imperishable inheritance
heaven kept
5 powerfully shielded
trust God
6 greatly rejoice
suffer trials
7 fire refined
8 unseen love
inexpressible joy
Saturday, May 20, 2017
That Look
A few days after our son's surgery, as he was dozing in the recliner, I noticed Reed looking intently at him. It had been a long time since I had seen that expression of joy and love on his face. It is the look a man gives his bride as she walks down the aisle on their wedding day. It is the gaze of a parent seeing their newborn for the first time. And I expect to see that visual caress when he meets our granddaughter later this month. His expression revealed joy that our son was still with us, despite those times we could have lost him, and tangible love. Reed saw me looking at him, but his eyes teared up when he tried to speak, so he reached back and took my hand. And in that wordless moment, we spoke--hand to hand, mind to mind, heart to heart.
And when I die, what I hope to see in heaven, when I meet Jesus face to face, is that look.
And when I die, what I hope to see in heaven, when I meet Jesus face to face, is that look.
Monday, May 8, 2017
Dear John
Dear John,
Don't worry, we are not breaking up, we're just finished for the summer. This is probably the fifth time I have studied John in BSF. I have no idea how many times I have read and studied it in my 45 years as a believer. It was your book they were studying at the youth group my brother drug me to, where I explored the Bible for the first time. It was that Truth that trumped the man made rules of the Mormonism I had been raised in. It was that Light that showed me the darkness of my own self-righteous heart. It was your way of presenting the Savior that showed me the Way of eternal life.
And it was your blatant admission of your purpose in writing John that got it black-listed from my Humanities class at the university. Too biased to be credible. In truth, it was only biased in the wrong direction. And it was through studying John my reluctant, first year in BSF that, in a time of great hopelessness, began to lift my depression. And this year, in desperate need of direction and encouragement, I have searched your book like a starving man seeks sustenance. I was willing to settle for crumbs but you gave me a feast. Thank you for your biased viewpoint.
A recurring theme I got from this year's study, was the warning not to judge reality by preconceptions. Over and over, the Jewish leadership rejected Jesus because he didn't keep their version of the Sabbath and sought out sinners instead of Sanhedrin support. Their made-up minds not only caused them to miss recognizing their Messiah as he performed miracles right under their noses, but to murder him. I, too, have preconceptions so thanks, John, for the warning.
I also needed the reminder in the crucifixion account that no matter how out of control things appear to be, God is still sovereign. After his death, Jesus had no way to make sure his legs would not be broken, his side would be pierced, where he would be buried. He trusted God's sovereignty just as we must. Thanks, John, for not just telling us what Jesus did, but who he was and why knowing that matters eternally. When life gets in your face, your gospel provides face time with Jesus.
We are NEVER breaking up,
Connie
Don't worry, we are not breaking up, we're just finished for the summer. This is probably the fifth time I have studied John in BSF. I have no idea how many times I have read and studied it in my 45 years as a believer. It was your book they were studying at the youth group my brother drug me to, where I explored the Bible for the first time. It was that Truth that trumped the man made rules of the Mormonism I had been raised in. It was that Light that showed me the darkness of my own self-righteous heart. It was your way of presenting the Savior that showed me the Way of eternal life.
And it was your blatant admission of your purpose in writing John that got it black-listed from my Humanities class at the university. Too biased to be credible. In truth, it was only biased in the wrong direction. And it was through studying John my reluctant, first year in BSF that, in a time of great hopelessness, began to lift my depression. And this year, in desperate need of direction and encouragement, I have searched your book like a starving man seeks sustenance. I was willing to settle for crumbs but you gave me a feast. Thank you for your biased viewpoint.
A recurring theme I got from this year's study, was the warning not to judge reality by preconceptions. Over and over, the Jewish leadership rejected Jesus because he didn't keep their version of the Sabbath and sought out sinners instead of Sanhedrin support. Their made-up minds not only caused them to miss recognizing their Messiah as he performed miracles right under their noses, but to murder him. I, too, have preconceptions so thanks, John, for the warning.
I also needed the reminder in the crucifixion account that no matter how out of control things appear to be, God is still sovereign. After his death, Jesus had no way to make sure his legs would not be broken, his side would be pierced, where he would be buried. He trusted God's sovereignty just as we must. Thanks, John, for not just telling us what Jesus did, but who he was and why knowing that matters eternally. When life gets in your face, your gospel provides face time with Jesus.
We are NEVER breaking up,
Connie
Friday, May 5, 2017
Tangled Web
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive." I am a terrible liar. I do not mean I am a terrible person because I lie. I mean I am terrible at lying. For one thing, lying requires a way better memory than I have. Keeping track of things that actually happen is hard enough without adding things that didn't. So my recent experience with deception was a good reminder of why I don't lie.
It began, like the the road to hell, with good intentions. When my daughter told me the baby shower for my first grandchild would be the same weekend as a ladies tea at church, I was relieved. Seven years earlier, those same good intentions put me on the planning committee for the church tea. I found myself helping out at the first tea because I felt sorry for the planner, who was trying to do the whole activity solo. Good intention--help her organize and simplify. But she is the kind of person who does not want to be simplified. She is the kind who has great, last-minute ideas and wants last-minute volunteers to help make them happen. The other thing about her great ideas, is that she tells you they are your ideas. And you are now responsible for carrying them out. So it was with great relief that I bowed out of this year's tea to attend the baby shower in Helena. Good intention--no hurt feelings.
Then the date changed. If I told Last Minute Lucy that I would be in town, I would either have to make "my" unwanted-stepchild-of-an-idea happen, or I would have to tell Lucy why I didn't want to serve with her. OR I could just not tell her that I wouldn't be out of town. It was cowardly. It was deceptive. It was easy. All I had to do was skip the tea and not mention the shower until after the original date. Then came the tangled web. This year's tea was part of our mission's conference, which I would have attended, but couldn't because I was supposed to be out of town. I could have gone to Missoula on Saturday to make the part about being out of town true, but I had just been there for an appointment on Thursday. I skipped a mission's conference to support my deception. By all rights the Lord should smite me. And I should be easy to find. I'm right here--tangled in this web.
It began, like the the road to hell, with good intentions. When my daughter told me the baby shower for my first grandchild would be the same weekend as a ladies tea at church, I was relieved. Seven years earlier, those same good intentions put me on the planning committee for the church tea. I found myself helping out at the first tea because I felt sorry for the planner, who was trying to do the whole activity solo. Good intention--help her organize and simplify. But she is the kind of person who does not want to be simplified. She is the kind who has great, last-minute ideas and wants last-minute volunteers to help make them happen. The other thing about her great ideas, is that she tells you they are your ideas. And you are now responsible for carrying them out. So it was with great relief that I bowed out of this year's tea to attend the baby shower in Helena. Good intention--no hurt feelings.
Then the date changed. If I told Last Minute Lucy that I would be in town, I would either have to make "my" unwanted-stepchild-of-an-idea happen, or I would have to tell Lucy why I didn't want to serve with her. OR I could just not tell her that I wouldn't be out of town. It was cowardly. It was deceptive. It was easy. All I had to do was skip the tea and not mention the shower until after the original date. Then came the tangled web. This year's tea was part of our mission's conference, which I would have attended, but couldn't because I was supposed to be out of town. I could have gone to Missoula on Saturday to make the part about being out of town true, but I had just been there for an appointment on Thursday. I skipped a mission's conference to support my deception. By all rights the Lord should smite me. And I should be easy to find. I'm right here--tangled in this web.
Thursday, May 4, 2017
30 and Counting
Thirty years ago today, I was in the hospital meeting my new baby boy. Today I was in the hospital with the same son, but this time, he is the patient. What did he get for this milestone birthday? Surgery. This was not a deliberate plan, it just happened to be the first date available for the removal of his adrenal cyst. Sick and tired of being sick and tired, he was willing to forego a special birthday dinner for clear liquids and the chance of feeling better sooner.
I thought last year's birthday, when his on again/off again wife was no longer part of his life, would be the worst ever. But a few of his friends came over for steak and his 29th turned out tolerably well. And, who knows, over the course of his lifetime, even this year's birthday may not seem so bad. Many things can happen in life that are far worse than surgery.
When Tracy was born, I counted his fingers and toes, making sure all was as it should be. In the following years, I counted on him for many things. I could count on him to love our family traditions and vacations, to help with projects on the house and yard, to see me in all my frailty and not use it against me. And I am counting on many more things in the years to come. I am counting on God to make that happen, because He is the one who makes sure all is as it should be.
I thought last year's birthday, when his on again/off again wife was no longer part of his life, would be the worst ever. But a few of his friends came over for steak and his 29th turned out tolerably well. And, who knows, over the course of his lifetime, even this year's birthday may not seem so bad. Many things can happen in life that are far worse than surgery.
When Tracy was born, I counted his fingers and toes, making sure all was as it should be. In the following years, I counted on him for many things. I could count on him to love our family traditions and vacations, to help with projects on the house and yard, to see me in all my frailty and not use it against me. And I am counting on many more things in the years to come. I am counting on God to make that happen, because He is the one who makes sure all is as it should be.
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